December 13, 2017

Luminous Objects in the Dominican Republic

Q: While in a private plane flying from Puerto Plata to Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic, I took pictures from the co-pilot seat of objects in our flight path about 8 miles from the nose of the aircraft. The visibility was clear at about 4500 ft. at 9:30 am. The objects are extremely luminous. The lower set of lights are twin diamonds or squares, symmetrical and unnatural. The upper set of lights are almost amorphous. Since they were not stars, planes, clouds, lightning, or natural phenomenon. What could they be? A: Let me guess, when you got closer, they…

Horoscopes for April 27-May 3, 2014

CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) Don’t dwell on obstacles this month. Organize a picnic or a hostile takeover. Better yet, do both. Occupy a park and dominate the neighbors, ants and squirrels. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) You will find yourself needing to allow some space for natural growth and evolution. You may have to add a couple of notches to your belt or switch to sweats. PISCES (March 20 – April 18) Be sure not to stick ideas you come up with this month in the bottom drawer of your desk and forget them, or they’ll be…

Hurry! It’s On Sale!

Advertisers must think we’re really stupid. Have you paid any attention to what the ads on TV and radio are saying? If you’re like me, the commercial breaks go in one ear and out the other. The only way something sticks in my brain is because it’s repeated ten million times (which is why you hear the same ad played until you puke) or if there’s something unique about the way it is presented. Victoria’s Secret TV ads come to mind. I remember them–frequently. Lately in a period of vast boredom, I decided to actually LISTEN to some of the…

Giraffic Park

                                          The latest thing in eco-chic Is spotted milk and cheese, Obtained from freckled animals With high and lumpy knees. Their eyes are big and lashy and Their heads have door-knob things; Their tails sport lovely flourishes Akin to feathered wings. Their tongues are eighteen-inches long; Their manes are rusty red; They have to kneel to get a drink; They never go to bed. They’re ruminants like Holstein cows; They eat trees from the top; Their babies weigh a hundred…

Accounts of Diminutive Intelligent Beings

Q: Since Ufology’s earliest days, and going even further back in history, accounts of diminutive intelligent beings have played a crucial role in shaping our perception of the phenomenon. The sizes of these creatures range from a scant twelve inches to a not-so-small four feet in height. The European tradition’s brownies, pixies, gnomes and dwarves have their equivalents in the Mexican ikhals, chaneques and aluches. Are these physical anomalies created by aliens? What else could they be? A: Wee people have been around since the beginning of time. I don’t think being short makes you anything but short. Are tall…

Horoscopes for April 13-19, 2014

CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) Get out there and workout in April. Otherwise, your joints, brain, lungs and heart will start complaining. Remember to shower or everyone around will complain. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) Contort yourself into whatever pretzels you comfortably can manage, and you’ll emerge suppler and more successful. You’ll also go great with brown mustard. PISCES (March 20 – April 18) Your innate sensitivity to what’s happening around you plays a huge role in how you navigate tricky situations. Running, ducking, hiding, lying – all innate. ARIES (April 18 – May 13) You’ll be in…

Online Lying

Dear Frankly, I need some advice. I answered an online personal ad, but lied about a few things–like my age, education, hobbies, weight, job and income level. Now I am supposed to meet this woman for a drink at a local watering hole. We will each be carrying a white rose for identification. This gal sounded so interesting and her profile and pictures looked so good, I just had to meet her. I’m afraid she is going to be disappointed and run out before she gets a chance to find the real me. Misleading Marv Dear Misleading, I’m not sure…

American Politics

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Any American who is prepared to run for President should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.” — Gore Vidal “I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” — Will Rogers “Americans have different ways of saying things. They say ‘elevator’, we say ‘lift’ … they say ‘President’, we say ‘stupid psychopathic…

Getting There Is Half the Fun

“Getting there is half the fun.” That’s what Dad always used to say back in the days when visiting Grandma and Grandpa was a full day trip by car. Remembering that when I’m about to embark on yet another epic journey seems to dull the dread of modern travel. A recent trip to the Dominican Republic gave new meaning to “half the fun.” Our first flight was scheduled to leave Phoenix at 10:45 PM, so we arrived at the airport our obligatory two hours before departure only to find that our flight was delayed until 12:08 AM. We passed the…

Energy Crisis

MORE OUTSOURCING NEWS: According to a high source in the U.S. Department of Justice, nearly undetectable counterfeit $100 bills are being made in North Korea, and counterfeit cigarettes and U.S. postage stamps are being made in China for import into the United States. Counterfeiters with American citizenship have filed a formal complaint. FAST FOOD BUNGLED BURGLARY NEWS: According to a report in the Ann Arbor News, a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilante, Michigan around 5 am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk explained that he couldn’t open the register without a food order. When the…

The Mad Scientists

People often have the perception that the wine industry is all picturesque postcards with sophisticated people standing around pontificating on the finer points of their latest bottled masterpiece. That may be the case if you’re a well paid critic whose entire job is nothing but going from tasting room to tasting room. The typical is far less glamorous. While many people think of the art and romance of wine, there’s a great deal of science that goes into your average winery. Want to become a serious winemaker? Study your chemistry, microbiology, physics, and horticulture. I wanted to take you behind…