September 20, 2017

UFOs Seen Hovering Above Illawong Beach

Q: I heard about an Australian, Donna Weller, who told The Daily Mercury newspaper that she had seen a UFO hovering above Illawong Beach following her along the Bruce Highway to Rockhampton. “There were three of them,” she said. “One behind the car and two to the side. It was unbelievable.” I’m a bit scared to tell you the truth. Donna captured video footage of the unidentified tailgaters. Do you believe this encounter happened? A: I’ve yet to see the video, reserving opinion. However, Aussies are well known for their humor and beer consumption, especially the women.   Q: A…

Politics and the Status Quo

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “There is no Energy Shortage. There is no Energy Crisis. There is a Crisis of Ignorance.” — R Buckminster Fuller “To be a great politician you need the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen.” — Winston Churchill…

Blame the Ouija Board

Q: A passionate student of the paranormal and the occult experimented with a Ouija board. She tried to contact spirit entities through the board, but she had neglected to assume a prayerful attitude to guard against malignant influences. She felt as though another being was somehow influencing her thoughts and causing her to fantasize sexual images regarding her friends and classmates. Can messing with a Ouija board cause this? A: I guess. A lot of professional people would chalk it up to puberty, but hey, why not blame the Ouija board?   Q: I read an article stating that Earth’s…

Wedding Behavior Pickle

Dear Frankly, I recently attended my boyfriend’s sister’s wedding. I had met his family only once before. I had too much to drink at the reception and I know his parents noticed my behavior. My boyfriend said I was really pickled and had to take me home early. Should I mention this obvious mistake and apologize for it in a thank you note to his parents? On the other hand, will that remind them of my behavior? Flustered Franny Dear Flustered, That’s funny. Usually, it’s the best man that gets blotto and makes an ass of himself. Do you think…

Hand Selected, With Predicate

Do you know the difference between spätlesen and auslesen? How about QmP versus QbA? German wines have been on the rise recently, thanks in large part to the renewed popularity of Riesling. Let’s break down German wine labeling to help you understand. Germany uses a meticulous labeling system that designates the factors used in producing the wine, some of which include region, if sugar was added, and how ripe the grapes are when picked. Wine is broken down into four major categories: table wine (tafelwine), country wine (landwein), quality wine (qualitätswein), and top quality wine (prädikatswein). Tafelwein and Landwein Tafelwein and…

Extreme Weight Loss

EXTREME DIET NEWS: A man who once weighed more than half a ton has lost 321 pounds under the care of doctors and hopes to lose 450 pounds more. Patrick Duel, 42, of Valentine, Neb., weighed 1,072 pounds when he was admitted to Sioux Falls, Avera McKennan Hospital eight weeks ago. Subway sandwich shops is looking for a new sponsor and hopes to use Duel whenever he is able to actually fit into one of their shops. GENETICS NEWS: Procrastinating monkeys were turned into workaholics using a gene treatment to block a key brain compound, researchers report. Blocking cells from…

Relaxing

There are so many kids here, all looking hale and hearty, And in a moment of weakness, I thought I’d throw them a party. Okay, got to think of the problems. Would the fuzz come cruising by, maybe, to complain about the noise? Would all the girls be holding hands, or worse, with all the boys? I rather hope so, because a certain amount of Gallic frivolity Always adds a little something to the evening’s jollity. Rolling around in the hay is a pleasure that comes to mind – Boys and girls having the fun that’s so very easy to…