May 27, 2019

Time Travel Easier with Peyote

Q: I am interested in time travel. I have yet to experience going forward or back in time personally, but I have read the late Carlos Castaneda wrote that the sorcerer Don Juan Matus believed in the existence of an area best described as a “crevasse between realities” in which the material world imperceptibly gives way to the spirit world and other dimensions. Do you know any time travelers? A: I overheard a guy at a diner telling someone that he had been missing a couple of days. I usually attribute that to alcohol blackouts. Remember, the people in Castaneda’s…

BBQ Brouhaha

Dear Frankly, My future mother-in-law has been good–non-interfering nor manipulative. Until now. She is in charge of the rehearsal dinner and instead of having it catered, she decided to host a barbeque. I was disappointed, but agreed. My fiancee and I gave her the list of guests. Now she says that she has six friends in town who she is including at the dinner. I told her to forget about the dinner, I would host it myself in a restaurant. Now she says that she won’t be there. Who’s right? Soon-to-be Married Dear Soon-to-be, A barbecue sounds yummy. Looking at…

On Politics

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj”un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Sir, I would rather be right than be President.” — Henry Clay “Washing one’s hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with the powerful, not to be neutral.” — Paulo Freire “Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.” — John…

Aussie Wine Advocate

Many people in the wine industry can recall a moment early in their career when they tasted something absolutely memorable. My moment happened in the Barossa Valley, Australia during the 1997 Culinary Festival, a now defunct event that brought together the best of Adelaide cuisine with Barossa wine. I was at the Elderton Winery and it was their 1995 Barossa Shiraz. It tasted like someone had taken a pepper grinder to my glass. I’ve been a wine geek ever since. I’ve also been an Aussie advocate ever since. Australian wines enjoyed a boom during the 90s food culture revolution here…

UFO Sighting at Myrtle Beach

Q: I had a very odd experience in Myrtle Beach, SC, in September 2003. My wife and I went there for a week on vacation. Around 12:30am, my wife was asleep and I was up watching television. Our balcony door was open, so I could still hear the ocean. Looking out, I spotted a large, bright, red object as large as the full moon hovering way out over the ocean, just above the horizon. Then, out of nowhere, two military fighter jets flew over and made a beeline straight toward the object, which suddenly burst straight up into the sky…

Catch His Name Before Falling

Dear Frankly, Every time a young man I am attracted to says or does something nice to me, I fall head over heels in love with him. I have no idea why, and this happens all the time. I even fall in love with men I meet for the first time–and I think that they love me. When I see them again they either completely ignore me or flirt with another girl. I set my self up to be hurt. I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up about a guy, but I always do. What do you think I…

More on Politics

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj”un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” — Mark Twain “We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.” — Winston Churchill “A government which robs…

Haunted by Clocks

Q: Lights are blowing out near me….above me…..beside me. Street lights blow when I drive or walk by. TV’s at home and work are coming on by themselves. This happens everyday at least 3-4 times. My debit card has been reissued twice because the magnetic strips aren’t working. I’m also haunted by clocks. Every time I look at a clock, it’s 11 after the hour. Right now it’s 12:11. Is there someone I can talk to? A: Talk to an electrician, change the batteries in your remote and make your appointments for 11 after the hour. By the way, I’m…

Beer: The Other Food Pairing

The dragon the wine world forever chases is food pairing. It started with the simple mantra of white wine with fish, red wine with meat. Now there seems to be a whole industry searching out all the flavor nuances of a particular dish and what wine matches best with that. It’s been a boon for the culinary world as the diversity of tastes from cuisines around the globe has caused a food renaissance in the United States that has taken us from the bland meat and potatoes of years past to vibrant, bold flavors that enhance the pleasure of eating…

Many Names for Large Hairy Ape-like Creatures

Q: Large, hairy ape-like creatures have been reported in every state of the U.S. In the Pacific Northwest, it’s called Sasquatch. In places like Ohio, it’s known as Bigfoot. But in Florida and a few other Southern states, the tall, upright walking hominid is called the Skunk Ape. A highly credible sighting of the Skunk Ape was reported in 2004. It was crouching in a ditch, but as the observer slowed her car to see it better, the creature stood to its full six to eight-foot height. Do you believe these creatures exist? A: Really tall, really hairy guys that…

Aging and Death

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj”un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.” — George Burns “So my choice is ‘or death.’” — Eddie Izzard “I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would…

Encouragement from Ghosts

Q: My drama teacher told me a ghostly tale of when he was a stagehand and took a bow to what he thought was an empty theater one night after the play ended and everyone had exited. He looked up to see hundreds of applauding apparitions. They disappeared one by one. He said he thinks they were there to encourage his pursuit of becoming an actor. Do you agree? A: Oh yeah. He’s a teacher, right? I was going to go into acting but I was told I didn’t stand a ghost of a chance. Now I wonder if I…

Long-Distance Let Down

Dear Frankly, I’m impressed with the quality of your advice and I hope you can help me, too. My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years. Last week she told me that she needs some space. She said she wants to see other people, cut down on our phone conversations and not travel to see each other as much. She wants us to continue our friendship. I don’t want to lose her, but this new situation is soooo painful. What should I do? Lost in Space Dear Lost In, Long distance relationships are difficult…

The Science of Taste

I read an article from a colleague in the wine industry recently that lamented the state of the American palate. He was basically frustrated by the desire to have everything big, rich, fat, salty and sweet. He, of course, is not from the United States, so he didn’t grow up eating McDonald’s and drinking Coca-Cola. It got me thinking though about how little the average person understands when it comes to flavor and taste. I experience this on a regular basis with customers that can’t identify, or explain, the basic flavors in the foods they eat. So, let’s look at some…

Different Types of Aliens

Q: I understand there are a number of species of aliens: 3 types of Greys, Reptilians, 3 Human Type Aliens (includes non-Earth born and Earth-born types, as well as genetically modified Earth-born types broken down to workers and technicians), Human/Grey Hybrids and Sasquatch. I have personally been exposed to 4 of these species in the Sedona area while meditating on a vortex. Are you aware of any others? A: As you may well know, Sedona Sid, The Alien Kid is Reptilian, but one of the good ones. You left out Politicians and Bureaucrats.   Q: I know there are many…

The Coming of the Can

The current be-all and end-all package of the beverage industry is the can. Cans are sturdy when filled, lightweight, air tight, block light from the contents inside, can hold carbonated backpressure if designed properly, are easily recycled, and with the proper internal sealant are virtually non-reactive with the contents they hold. Cans take up less space. Thin metal is very conductive, so cans heat faster if pasteurization is required, and cool quicker for your enjoyment. Plus, a shiny metal surface is the ideal canvas to paint your logo and product brand for display. The brewing industry caught on to this…

Family Reunions!

Guess what? It’s time to start planning for that event that strikes a chill in the heart of every true guy. The dreaded Arizona Family Reunion! WOW, what a thrill. Here we go again, or do we? Remember last year when the kids had the famous lemonade fight in the back seat of the car? How about the time you took the wrong turn because your wife was holding the map upside down and you ended up in the middle of the desert?All those memories pale in comparison to the time you waited three hour detour in 100-degree heat to…

UFO In the Middle of Nowhere

Q: I was walking back to my motor home after wild boar hunting in an unpopulated area in Texas last year. The sky was clear; wind calm and the sun had just set when I saw what I believe was a UFO. The object approached from the south-southwest and while moving north-northeast, passed almost directly overhead making no sound whatsoever. I estimate its altitude to be somewhere about 800 feet and its airspeed speed approximately 30 mph. I aimed my rifle at it and through the rifle scope, which was set on 8.5 power, I could clearly see surface detail…

Fraidy Sadie

Dear Frankly, I am a first time writer. My boyfriend of five years seems afraid to make the plunge and ask me to marry him. I am wondering if I shouldn’t take the reins and pop the question. By forcing the issue, he would have to commit or admit he has no long term plan with me in the picture. Why is it men always have to propose? Why can’t women ask men to marry them? Ready to Wed Dear Ready To, I asked my fourth husband to marry me after a few months of hot and heavy dating. He…

Commentary

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Those are my principles. If you don’t like them, I have others.” — Groucho Marx “She had lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, the power of speech.” — George Bernard Shaw “The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it’s their fault.” — Henry Kissinger “Camping is nature’s…

Are We the Only Planet with Intelligent Life?

Q: I was wondering where you stand concerning UFOs. While many have claimed to have had a close encounter, even a probing, the videos are still indiscernible and not definitive proof of existence. On the other hand, as Tom Cruise stated, wouldn’t it be arrogant to assume we are the only planet with intelligent life on it? A: It’s funny how, with the technological advancements we’ve made and vast the number of individuals who own sophisticated cameras, there has been a decrease in the number of recorded sightings. It’s easier to alter tape than digital recordings. This tends to leave…

Junior Partner

Dear Frankly, I have always looked for older men, but now I find myself in love with a man a few years my junior. I have not been this happy since my kids were born. He is very tender and loving, and his family has accepted me with open arms. I wonder, though, if he will get bored and look for a younger woman in a few years. What happens when I get flabby and sagging? Am I the only older woman who thinks this? Happy Hannah Dear Happy, Good for you, honey. It’s about time we girls get ourselves…

Virtue vs. Decadence

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart; for his purity, by definition, is unassailable.” — James Baldwin “Every man knows his follies and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.” — Josh Billings “The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy…

Kelsey Grammer Speaks to the Dead

Q: I read where Kelsey Grammer speaks to the dead, including a 2,000 year old ghost called Alex, who teaches him about good and evil. The Frasier star has lost a number of family members to tragic and violent deaths, something he claims has strengthened his belief in an afterlife. His father was murdered by a gunman when he was 13, his sister was just 18 when she was robbed, raped and stabbed to death eight years later, and five years after that, his two half brothers were eaten by sharks. Grammer says: “I have communicated with many entities of…

Don’t Eat the Worm

In honor of Cinco de Mayo and all other great things Mexican, this month I’m going to talk about that exotic spirit from south of the border – tequila. Agave Tequila is the end product of fermenting and distilling the agave plant. All distillates produced from agave are actually known as mezcals (which is a whole other topic for future discussion), of which tequila is a special class. It’s like making the distinction between brandy and cognac. For a mezcal to qualify as tequila, it must come from a defined geographic area, which is mostly in the Mexican state of…

Stealing Not Done by Clown

CRIME WAVE NEWS: Ronald MacDonald, an employee at a Manchester, N. H. Wendy’s Restaurant has been charged with stealing money from a safe. The 22-year-old MacDonald was detained at the store until police arrived after the crime was witnessed and reported by the manager. The sad part is the local paper felt it necessary to say he wasn’t related to Ronald McDonald, the clown. INDIANA INTELLIGENT DESIGN NEWS: Indiana Police were trying to determine the origin of a runaway ostrich that led officers on chase through neighborhood streets and yards. The bird eluded officers in St. John for about two…

Photographic and Audio Evidence of Paranormal Activity

Q: I heard a company called the Mid South Ghost Hunters have set up a continuously streaming web cam on the second floor of the Quetzal Internet Cafe in Memphis, Tennessee. We have investigated this site twice with positive results and have obtained photographic and audio evidence of paranormal activity. Do you agree they have captured the proof ghosts exist? A: I went to the webcam site. There was a vacant room with bare walls–no coffee, no furniture, no Internet and no ghosts. Not much of a cafe.   Q: Government scientists say the next sunspot cycle will be 30-percent…

Love

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” — David Bissonette “Love is foolish…but I still might try it sometime.” — Floyd, Age 9 “You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henny Youngman “Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love…

Egyptians and Bosnians Used Illegal Alien Laborers From Mexico

Q: I read about an Egyptian researcher sent by Cairo who has said that a 2,300 ft hill in Bosnia did appear to be a primitive man made pyramid of uncertain age. He also said huge stone blocks found on the three sides of the hill used the same type of artificial cement as ancient Egyptian pyramids. Researchers also found a sandstone monolith in one of the tunnels with enigmatic symbols engraved on it. Could this mean there were others making giant polyhedrons pointing to the heavens while preserving their dead? A: There are also ancient pyramid like structures built…

Covertly Sowing His Oats?

Dear Frankly, I am a bit confused about my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for more than five years. Things are going well and we have plans for marriage in the future. My confusion comes from my wanting us to live together. I don’t see the big deal, since we plan on spending the rest of our lives together. He says the time isn’t right. Is he balking because he still wants his freedom to roam and sew some more wild oats or am I being overly suspicious? What should I do? Made for Marriage Dear Made…