The Common Man Behind the Curtain
What comes to mind when you think of a winery? It’s probably a picturesque property covered with vines, a sophisticated tasting room that pours the range of wines, maybe a few knick-knacks, and that mysterious cellar you can get invites to if you’re a member of the club or there’s a special event. That or it’s something quaint and rustic with not much fancy decor, but still a good bit of tourist charm. The world looks a little different when you’re on the other side of the tasting room table, though. When I tour a winery, I usually go where…
Lesser Known October Holidays
October 1 is World Vegetarian Day and Magic Circles Day October 2 is Name Your Car Day October 3 is Virus Appreciation Day, Techies Day October 4 is National Golf Day October 5 is National Storytelling Festival, Do Something Nice Day October 6 is German-American Day, Come and Take It Day October 7 is National Frappe Day, National Frugal Fun Day October 8 is American Tag Day October 9 is Moldy Cheese Day, Curious Events Day October 10 is National Angel Food Cake Day October 11 is It’s My Party Day October 12 is International Moment Of Frustration Scream Day…
Hauntings in Tucson, Arizona
Q: I recently read about hauntings in Tucson, Arizona–stories about poltergeists at a theater and a couple of hospitals. I knew that Tucson was the astronomy center of the world, home to a premier research institution, the University of Arizona, and a tourism destination, but I had no idea that it boasted a reputation for the paranormal, as well. Isn’t Sedona supposed to be the phantasmal capital of Arizona? A: Well, like the vortexes, perhaps the ghosts have also left. Q: I heard that five footprints, believed to be traces left by the legendary “Shennongjia Wildman,” have been found…
Homeward Drowned
They say that you cannot go home— You never can go back! I’m here to take exception, and Encourage you to pack Your grip, and quit your worthless job, And terminate your lease, And drag your furniture outdoors, And burn it, piece by piece, And call the Postal Service, and Exterminate your mail, And cancel all your credit cards, And don’t forget to fail To call the county coroner, And tell him that you’re dead, But not to pick your carcass up— You’re going home, instead! And, when your bus pulls into town, Prepare to be bereft: Because, in twenty…
Sasquatch Sightings Really Bears?
Q: All reported sightings in the states of Washington, Oregon and California of Sasquatch were gathered and used with environmental data to predict the distribution of the mythical Bigfoot. They found it yielded a perfectly plausible prediction about Bigfoot habitats. The researchers also compared the niche model for Sasquatch to one they developed for black bears. They found that the two were statistically indistinguishable. Does that mean reported Sasquatch sightings have really been of bears? A: It’s possible. But, it still doesn’t answer the question, “If a bear . . .” Q: A tourist attraction is advertising in the…
Horoscopes for September 15-21, 2013
ARIES (March 21 – April 19) You tell your family that you are going to take up repelling. They don’t know repelling from rocks and dismiss your announcement as a continuation of your being repulsive. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) You’ll invent an amazing product called D-Tails that could vastly improve life. Unfortunately, rumors spread that the devil’s in the D-Tails and it fizzles out. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) You will rush across the country when you hear of a discovery of the fountain of youth. You’ll be disappointed to find it is just another concrete peeing boy….
Weenie Wonders
Dear Frankly, I’m a 32-year-old woman who has been dating a 32-year-old man for five months who, in my opinion, would receive a very high score. He’s handsome with a great personality and mutual moral convictions. He’s marriage minded and very attentive and complimentary to me. The problem is he seems very feminine in his mannerisms. He is soft-spoken and his total demeanor at times exudes softness. He says things I don’t normally hear from a man. Should I be concerned about this? Limping into Love Dear Limping, My fourth husband was a real weenie–soft spoken wimp. He never raised…
Laughter
cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.” — Carl Sagan “Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than…
That “Crushing” Feeling
Currently, there’s just one thing on every winery’s mind – and that is the harvest, a.k.a. “the crush.” This is the time of year that vineyard managers and winemakers start running around their fields checking, double checking, and triple checking the ripeness of their grapes, waiting for the perfect time to pick the crop and make the season’s wines. You watch the weather forecasts, worry about having everything ready for action in the cellar, and on top of it all have to make room by getting the previous vintages still in the cellar finally bottled. Depending on the size of…
Wife Carrying Champion
SPORTING NEWS: John Farra, a former Olympic skier, won the North American Wife Carrying Championship at Sunday River, Maine last month. His first-place finish earned him and his 110-pound wife Tess her weight in beer and five times her weight in cash, or $550. Sedona considered such an event, but found no man who could lift his wife, never mind carry her. MORE SPORTING NEWS: A 62-year-old retired accountant from Nevada swallowed 247 peppers in eight minutes to win the Jalapeno Eating World Championship at the State Fair of Texas in Dallas. Richard LeFevre won $2,000 for prevailing in the…
Horoscopes for September 8-14, 2013
ARIES (March 21 – April 19) You have to choose between the Road Runner and Wiley Coyote. If you could only be one, which one would you be? Yes, you get to keep the ACME gadgets. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) This month you’ll answer the phone to a prankster that says your mate has lost their job and has been cheating on you. Unknowingly, you admit to the same vices. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) You will fake an illness just to get attention. It’ll be remarkably successful. You’ll get attention from the doctor, your boss, your insurance…
Lesser Known September Holidays
September 1 is … Emma M. Nutt Day September 2 is … National Beheading Day September 3 is … Skyscraper Day September 4 is … Newspaper Carrier Day September 5 is … Be Late For Something Day September 6 is … Fight Procrastination Day September 7 is … Neither Rain Nor Snow Day September 8 is … National Date Nut Bread Day and Pardon Day September 9 is … Teddy Bear Day September 10 is … Swap Ideas Day September 11 is … No News Is Good News Day September 12 is … National Pet Memorial Day/ Chocolate Milkshake Day September 13 is … Defy Superstition Day September 14 is … National Cream-filled Donut…
Horoscopes for September 1-7, 2013
ARIES (March 21 – April 19) You will be disappointed this month when you hear that Pluto may not be classified as a planet in the future. First the Easter Bunny, then Santa Claus, now this. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) You will go on one of those food-in-the-mail diets. You’ll lose weight, but will go broke replacing all the items you will break throwing them around your house. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) You will develop the power to see peoples’ auras in September. You will also be confused as to why they always seem to turn to…
Terrorism Creativity
TERRORISM CREATIVITY NEWS: The chairman of the Judiciary subcommittee on terrorism, technology and homeland security, said that terrorists could unleash electromagnetic bombs that would damage our vital electrical systems. He warned that an e-bomb attack could devastate the nation. This warning will create a nation of chaos with massive panic among Americans unless they realize that terrorists can’t create imaginary weapons as fast as we can create imaginary defenses against them. EDUCATION NEWS: Students at an Ivy League university were asked to write an essay that contained four subjects: religion, royalty, sex and mystery. The student who got an A+ wrote…
Books and Other Gift Shop Goods Moving on Their Own
Q: A book hit a woman in the back, a 10 by 10 inch hardback titled “The Confederate Navy: The Ships, Men and Organization 1861-1865.” Books aren’t the only gift shop goods moving on their own: On the front counter, key rings, pins and whistles hang upon a square, black spindle. Workers say sometimes it spins without anyone touching it, and the motion is not spurred by a fan or air conditioner. Bruce Smith, the Port Columbus National Civil War Naval Museum’s executive director, would not go so far as to say the place is haunted. If it isn’t haunted,…
The Charm of Amulets
Q: Can you tell me about amulets? Is there one that increases creativity? A: An amulet is a charm, often inscribed with an incantation. Charms were originally spoken or sung. The word charm comes from the French charme, which means song. The problem was that most French people were totally tone deaf and solid objects became the preferred substitute. I’m sure you can go to Amulets-R-Us and get one for every reason under the full moon. Q: I was reading about the Dropa stones and the possibility that there is recorded history of the Earth being visited by aliens from…
Missing in Action
Dear Frankly, My soon-to-be-husband called and suggested getting together. We agreed to meet at his apartment. So, I went home, rushed through my evening tasks, and went to his apartment. He was not there, so I let myself in, fed the dog and settled in. Two hours later – no boyfriend. I left a voice mail on his cell phone and went home. I have not heard from him in two days and I am boiling mad. This is the second time this has happened. What should I do? Ticked Terry Dear Ticked, Before he was my fourth husband, Frank…
Heavy Petters!
Profound and unique insight: You’re never too old to learn! The other evening I was porch settin’ with my cat, Buckshot, when he turned to me and asked why I hadn’t used my petters on him lately. Intrigued, I asked what in the world did he mean by “petters?” His answer provided a fascinating glimpse into the workings of the feline mind. It seems that cats are very much aware of the differences between themselves and humans. That awareness includes realizing that we have things at the ends of our arms that are different from their paws. These things we call…
Horoscopes for August 25-31, 2013
ARIES (March 21 – April 19) You will find unexplained spots showing up on parts of your body. Fortunately, they will be in places that no one but you and your Hanes will ever see. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) This is a good time to buy a new car. It doesn’t have to be a new, new car. It can be a new, used car or truck or motorcycle. No, no motorcycles. Remember your bike? GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) You will smile all the time right now. This is confusing, because you are not a happy person….
Laser Achievement
NUCLEAR DEFENSE NEWS: The U.S. Air Force has tested an infrared chemical laser meant to shoot down launch-phase enemy missiles from a modified 747 airliner. The test wasn’t airborne; it was in a hangar at Edwards Air Force Base, and it didn’t actually shoot anything down, but one of the contractors said it was an exceptional achievement. The project has been in progress since before 1988 when Dr. Angelo Codevilla, a staff member of the U.S. Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, declared the chemical laser ready to deploy. BANK ROBBERY NEWS: Thieves responsible for the $42 million heist in Belfast,…
Dreaming about Ex
Dear Frankly, After an 8 year long relationship, my husband and I got a divorce. I tried giving him his space, thinking he would realize I was the one for him. He is now with one of my “close friends,” and will soon be having a baby. We didn’t have any children because we felt we weren’t ready for them yet. I have since moved away in the two years we’ve been apart. I’ve done everything I could think of to get over him, but every night I still see him in my dreams. How do I move on and…
Raising the Retirement Age
Excentric World staff members look at the potential results of raising the retirement age. Not only are businesses not hiring new college graduates, but seniors who don’t qualify for a gig at Wal-Mart or McDonald’s are left to their imaginations. This octogenarian (Billy) who once swung in a swing band gathered instruments from garage sales and hit the streets, performing songs from better times. Born during the Great Depression, he recalled his parents working up to their retirement years. With everyone living longer, he was forced to supplement his Social Security to pay for his parents’ nursing home bills. Billy’s…
On Age
cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.” — Jean Kerr “The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.” — H. L. Mencken “We are always the same age inside.” — Gertrude Stein “It’s not catastrophes,…
Did Edison Design or Build a Ghost Machine?
Q: Thomas Edison said, “I don’t claim that our personalities pass on to another existence or sphere. I don’t claim anything because I don’t know anything about the subject. For that matter, no human being knows. But I do claim that it is possible to construct an apparatus which will be so delicate that if there are personalities in another existence or sphere who wish to get in touch with us in this existence or sphere, the apparatus will at least give them a better opportunity to express themselves than the tilting tables and raps and Ouija boards and mediums…
A Rosé by Any Other Name
It’s the time of year in Arizona where the temperatures are just plain hot. Tastes in the beverage world switch from the hearty and robust to the light and refreshing. A class of wine that has risen in popularity the last couple years, and matches perfectly with summer tastes, is rosé. Most people sadly see a pinkish colored wine and instantly think White Zinfandel. While this does fit into the class, it’s hardly representative of great rosé wines. This month, I’ll introduce you to the world of rosés, recommend a few regions to look for, as well as suggest a…
Intelligence and Intellect
cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn’t.” — Emerson M. Pugh “Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as think.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson “We’ve all met people who are supposedly incredibly intelligent but don’t know which way…
Horoscopes for August 11-17, 2013
ARIES (March 21 – April 19) Aries has been through a rough time lately. Even though it has been caused by the people around you, it is still your fault for picking Jerry Springer Show friends. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) Your planet Mercury is about to change signs and the move will take him out of Gemini, which you might see as a negative. Gemini couldn’t be happier. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) By the end of the month, the planet of love, gorgeousness and all things beautiful will have left your sign for another year. First the…
Ask Kids about Mom and Dad
Why did God make mothers? 1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my mom the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts. What ingredients are mothers made of? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and…
Psychic Definitions and Charred Remains
Q: Can you tell me the difference between a psychic, a clairvoyant and a medium? A friend of mine says they’re all the same with different degrees of successful guessing. What do you think? A: By definition, a psychic is a person supposedly sensitive to nonphysical or supernatural forces and influences; a clairvoyant is a person having the supposed power to see objects or events that cannot be perceived by the senses; and a medium is a person thought to have the power to communicate with the spirits of the dead or with agents of another world or dimension. In…
Dangerous Horseplay
Numerous scientific and government studies have shown that occupations related to dealing with animals are the most dangerous. There’s always the possibility of being bit, scratched, clawed, mauled, kicked, butted, bucked, squeezed, stepped on, knocked down, run over, or in the case of small dogs, barked to death. The danger varies proportionally with the size of the animal. Horses fall into the category of large. I’m not talking about the obvious risks such as getting bucked off into a bed of prickly pear cactus, flattened against a stall wall, a playful nip from teeth capable of pulling railroad spikes, or…
