October 14, 2019

Horoscopes for December 23-29

CAPRICORN
(January 19 – February 16)
Take deep, controlled breaths if you are stuck trying to explain something kind of simple to someone who is also kind of simple–like the facts of life to your spouse.

AQUARIUS
(February 16 – March 11)
Stars forecast that your subconscious is working overtime this month. Pay close attention to the signals it is sending, especially when it comes to hair removal.

PISCES
(March 20 – April 18)
You need to evaluate your goals and put together a list of your top priorities. With holiday season upon us, sorting your sock and underwear drawer may not cut it.

ARIES
(April 18 – May 13)
Don’t panic when the printer breaks, files get lost, people you need to reach aren’t accessible and busybodies are annoying. Bubble bath and booze – that’s the ticket.

TAURUS
(May 13 – June 21)
You trust your intuition and listen to your inner voice more than most. It pays off this month when people open your crummy gifts and the voice tells you to duck.

GEMINI
(June 21 – July 20)
In December, your indecisive nature isn’t going to enable you to come to a decision on your own. Perhaps you should consult Taurus’ inner voice–or not.

CANCER
(July 20 – August 10)
This is one of those rare times when someone’s outside opinion could be just what you need–like how wearing your pantyhose outside your pants may not work.

LEO
(August 10 – September 16)
Don’t delve deep into an emotional entanglement right now, even if you think you are completely ready to take it to the next level. Find out their last name first.

VIRGO
(September 16 – October 30)
This December, make sure to read the fine print, listen carefully to what your snuggle bunny is saying, and remember, batteries are never, ever included. Duh!

LIBRA
(October 30 – November 23)
A winter chill is in the air, except in the southwest. Sugar plum fairies are dancing in children’s heads. And you’re left feeling like a nut cracker. Hinduism anyone?

SCORPIO
(November 23 – November 29)
This month is a great time to clear out your storage space and make way for new stuff. Why not just donate you new gifts this year to charity before you open them?

OPHIUCHUS
(November 29 – December 17)
It’s the end of another year and time to clean house, so to speak. This year, you can’t just sweep it under the rug. The lump is so big people are tripping over it.

SAGITTARIUS
(December 17 – January 20)
Romance and socializing go hand in hand this month. So get out there–romance and socialize your tush off. Dance, drink, be merry  – Santasize yourself!

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