May 23, 2019

Aggravated Robbery

CREATIVE CRIME NEWS: A man who robbed a New Zealand bank recently was so disappointed with his haul he tried again–this time by phone, Wellington police said. Authorities traced the calls and arrested a man, charging him with aggravated robbery and demanding money with menace. He got the idea from the Psychic Predictions Hot Line.

PRENUPTIAL BLUES NEWS: A 38-year-old man stood in flames on a 10-foot platform in Grants Pass, Ore., July 4th before plunging into a pool. After emerging from the water unscathed, he dropped down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend. Obviously also lacking the ability to make sane decisions, she accepted.

BIZARRE BOVINE NEWS: Authorities in Wisconsin pinched a 63-year-old man who allegedly had a fondness for calves. Harold G. Hart, of Neillsville, reportedly told police he stopped at a Greenwood farm “at least 50 times” to have sex with calves there. The man, however, told police he never had sex with animals while maintaining a relationship with a girlfriend or his wife. He’s been alone for some time. Surprise!

FIRST LANGUAGE NEWS: An English-speaking man’s efforts to rob a Mexican restaurant were foiled by a worker who spoke only Spanish and another who pretended not to know English, Munci, Indiana police said. Witnesses told police that James Adams, 44, acted as if he had a gun and ordered an employee at Puerto Vallarta Mexican Restaurant and Cantina to open a cash register. Adams plans to sue the restaurant for hiring illegal aliens and violating his rights to rob them in English.

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