April 21, 2024

Biggest Task in America

ECONOMIC RECOVERY NEWS: Economists say that when the dollar is weak, meaning it’s losing value compared to other currencies, one benefit is that more American products can be sold overseas. Now, the biggest task for American manufacturers is to find a way to sell more products in America.

EDUCATION NEWS: The latest trend in modern education is tutoring 2 and 3-year-olds for preschool. Next will come surrogate potty training followed by substitute breast feeding.

END OF THE WORLD NEWS: According to Harvard University scientists, a dying star lurking dangerously close to Earth is on the brink of exploding into a supernova that could wipe out life on our planet. A mere 150 light years away is a white dwarf called HR8210, a dense compact star in its final stages of evolution. In cosmological terms, “on the brink” could mean hundreds of millions of years, so it is recommended earthlings not rush to change their plans for the coming weekend.

SOCIAL CUSTOMS NEWS: In an Excentric survey, conducted by some of our best volunteers, 22% of the women who participated said they would have to date a man for several months before they would agree to have sex with him. In the meantime, 100% of the men interviewed admitted they are busy trying to get a date with the other 78%.

MALE MEDICAL NEWS: A recent study shows that men today are producing less sperm that they used to just twenty years ago. Evidently, they don’t feel the need to produce more, based on the fact that they can’t seem to get rid of the inventory they already have on hand.

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