April 21, 2024


TAKEN TO THE CLEANERS NEWS: Roy L. Pearson Jr. wanted to dress sharply for his new job as an administrative law judge in Washington, D.C. So when his neighborhood dry cleaner misplaced a pair of expensive pants he had planned to wear his first week on the bench, Judge Pearson sued the owners for 67.3 million dollars. Fortunately, he lost. Let’s hope he loses his shirt in a countersuit.

DRUGS & KIDS NEWS: Investigators in Gulfport, Florida arrested a 14-year-old boy who apparently dialed a really, really wrong number. Authorities said the boy offered to sell drugs to the person on the other end, who happened to be a police detective. The detective met him at a schoolyard and arrested him and the driver of the vehicle. That’s another reason they call it “Dope.”

BOVINE HEIST NEWS: Robert Kent Summersett and Carl Ray Watford Jr., both prison officials in Columbia, South Carolina, have been charged with larceny of livestock, according to warrants issued by the State Law Enforcement Division. The officers took a cow valued at less then $1,000 from a prison farm at the Wateree Correctional Institution in Sumter County. Got milk?

SPECIAL INTERESTS NEWS: A woman in Rockbluff, Florida was injured by a leaping sturgeon, the latest incident involving the flying fish on the Suwannee River, officials said. She was knocked unconscious while boating on the river and was taken to a hospital with non-life-threatening injuries and was expected to recover. In April, a leaping sturgeon severely injured a 50-year-old woman. Officials are posting signs warning people about the leaping sturgeon and cautioning boaters against teasing the large, ill-tempered fish.

BUTT ON THE OTHER HAND NEWS: Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, a charge that could put her in prison. No buts about it.

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