August 17, 2018

Drug Possession on Horseback

GIDDY UP NEWS: A woman who went for a horseback ride through Sylvania, Alabama allegedly used the horse to ram a police car and was charged with driving under the influence and drug offenses. The woman was charged with DUI for allegedly riding the horse under the influence of a controlled substance. She was also charged with drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia, resisting arrest, assault, attempting to elude police and cruelty to animals. She plans to use the horse’s ass defense.

A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME NEWS: Metallica may be a cool name for a heavy metal band, but a couple from Stockholm, Sweden is struggling to convince officials it is also suitable for a baby girl. Officials from the Swedish National Tax Board denied the application and gave a list of acceptable Swedish names for girls: Gunilla, Wendela, Petronella. They sound like names of heavy metal bands.

REALLY NOT MILITIA NEWS: A family’s plan to open an obstacle course for tanks and other armored vehicles on the outskirts of Waseca, MN has some neighbors concerned. Customers would drive tanks, scout cars and armored personnel carriers through an obstacle course that would likely feature small hills and varying terrain and then have an opportunity of shooting target practice at the proposed indoor or outdoor firing range. Rumors are the course will be named after General George S. Patton.

LEGAL NEWS: A woman is suing her dance partner, claiming he dropped her on her head after flipping her into the air at an office party. Lacey Hindman, 22, was a victim of “negligent dancing,” says her lawyer, David M. Baum. Hindman claims that her dance partner grabbed her and tossed her, and then she crashed to the wood floor. Maybe her partner intended to dance the baseball dance and the other person didn’t catch her. Is there “negligent person pitching?”

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