June 20, 2019

Intoxicating License Plate

DRY STATE NEWS: Merlot can be a variety of grape or a type of red wine, but not an acceptable personalized license plate in the state of Utah. The Utah Tax Commission told the owner that he had to remove it because the state doesn’t allow words of intoxication to be used on vanity plates. Someone should tell the Utah Tax Commission that Merlot also is a variety of grape, originating in southern France and Italy. Snitching drivers are now on the lookout for the plates Muskat, Champagne and Concord.

ANIMAL LOVING NEWS: A man from Flushing, Michigan is loving his sister’s cat–now. A nasty bite on his hand he got from his sister’s Siamese cat is worth $122,400. A jury awarded Michael Sabo, 57, the money for an injury he got when the cat, Randy, bit his right hand in March. Meow!

M.A.D.D. NEWS: Bernalillo County sheriff’s deputies have arrested a man on suspicion of driving while intoxicated, marking his 28th such offense. He was driving on a revoked license when deputies saw him park in a driveway and fall out of his pickup truck. He smelled of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes and slurred speech, according to a criminal complaint. That does seem pretty suspicious. Oh yeah, there was an open container of beer in his truck. Perhaps he has connections that are higher than he is when driving.

FLYING & DYING NEWS: A British Airways first-class passenger on a flight from Delhi to London awoke to find the corpse of a woman who had died in the economy cabin being placed in a seat next to him. According to an airline spokesperson, “It’s an isolated incident. It’s not as if it happens every day, but you do have to take in people’s sensibilities when it does happen.” With people having to wait longer and longer for flights, death tolls are expected to rise, giving more passengers an opportunity to finally fly first class.

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