April 17, 2024

Sheepish Sex Offender

SEX CRIME NEWS: In Battle Creek MI, a man who pleaded no contest to a sodomy charge involving a sheep says he should not have to register as a sex offender. Police said Jeffrey S. Haynes had sex with a sheep at a Bedford Township farm. The animal’s owner caught him on the property and the sheep was found injured. Haynes claims he is harmless, but the prosecutor says he was just trying to pull the wool over their eyes.

SOBER SINGER NEWS: Hanoi, Vietnam – Karaoke bars in Vietnam will no longer be allowed to sell or have alcohol on their premises as part of the country’s continued campaign against so-called “social evils,” a government official said. Fred Kraus, owner of the original Oak Creek Brewery, agreed with the order, saying, “Karaoke is where people who shouldn’t drink meet people who shouldn’t sing.”

HARVEST NEWS: In Spokane, Washington, law enforcement officers harvested enough marijuana plants to rank the illegal weed as Washington state’s No. 8 agricultural commodity, edging out sweet cherries in value. Sweet cherry growers are rumored to be experimenting on producing fruit that will ease pain and help with glaucoma, all the while mellowing out their consumers and giving them the munchies.

NUPTIAL NEWS: Kundan Munda, of Dhanbad, India, said his daughter, Shivam, who was cursed when her upper teeth preceded her lower choppers, married a dog to “remove the evil eye,” a superstitious belief that some misfortune could befall her and the family, and that she would be free to marry a man later, if the dog agrees to a divorce. No word of a prenup.

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