February 28, 2024

The World’s Oldest Living Person

GUINNESS AGE NEWS: The world’s oldest living person, Japan’s Jiroemon Kimura, celebrated his 116th birthday in April with congratulations from around the world and from Japan’s prime minister. Also living in Japan is the world’s oldest woman at 115 years of age. When asked how he was feeling, Mr. Kimura said repeatedly, “nanigoto?” or “What?”

GONE TO THE DOGS NEWS: A new television series is scheduled to air on Nat GEO about devoted pet owners who go above and beyond spoiling their pets. It will feature doggies who no only wear one-of-a-kind sweaters, but have their own psychics. You may also view people taking their pigs for a spa treatment, tuxedo clad rats on vegan diets and religious ceremonies for pets, like mitzvahs. At Joan Rivers’ pet’s mitzvah there seemed to be a lot of tail sniffing and turf marking–much like a congressional meeting.

TOO BIG TO TAN NEWS: After returning to tan in a stand-up booth, an Ohio returned to Aloha Salon in Norton, Ohio informed the customer that the booth was in need of repair and unfortunately, they had just implemented a new policy where anyone over 230 pounds can’t go in one of their beds. They refused her service, denied her a refund and wouldn’t show her that newly implemented policy. Hundreds of people weighing between 230 lbs and 250 lbs are expected to show up demanding to tan in beds in support of the Ohio woman. Aloha!

THE NAME GAME NEWS: According to Reuters, Washington state’s governor signed into law the final piece of a six-year effort to rewrite state laws using gender-neutral vocabulary, replacing terms such as fisherman and freshman with fisher and first-year student and handwriting in place of penmanship. Conspicuously not changed to gender neutral language were mental illness, meningitis, menopause and menstruation. What’s up with that?

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