November 20, 2019

Laws of the Universe

  • Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have
    to pee.
  • Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
  • Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
  • Law of the Telephone: Dial a wrong number; you never get a busy signal.
  • Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
  • Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
  • Law of the Bath: When fully immersed in water, the doorbell will ring.
  • Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t
    want to be seen with.
  • Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will. Also works with funny car
    sounds.
  • Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
  • Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
  • Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
    last until the coffee is cold.
  • Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly
    correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
  • Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
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