December 13, 2017

Murphy’s Other Laws

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

8. Seen it all, done it all. Can’t remember most of it.

9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

10. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

11. He’s not dead. He’s electroencephalographically challenged.

12. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

13. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak…

14. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

15. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

16. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.

17. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

18. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

19. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

20. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

21. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

22. Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.

23. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

 

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