March 18, 2018

Signs You’ve Joined a Cheap HMO

1. Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.

2. Directions to your doctor’s office include, “Turn left when you enter the trailer park.”

3. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

4. Only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter.

5. Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is “an apple a day.”

6. Your “primary care physician” is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

7. Patient responsible for “200% of out-of-network charges” is not a typo.

8. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

9. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn’t come in different colors with little m’s on them.

10. You ask for Viagra and get a popsicle stick and duct tape.

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