March 21, 2023

Ghost Activity at Fort Knox

Q: I heard that SyFy Channel’s “Ghost Hunter” show has concluded there’s some “serious activity” going on at Fort Knox on the Penobscot River in Prospect, Maine. The show’s stars roamed the fortress with equipment searching for evidence of paranormal activity. They didn’t see any ghosts, but picked up unexplained readings. They also heard breathing noises and footsteps that couldn’t be explained. Are ghosts protecting the gold?

A: What gold? This is Fort Knox, Maine, not Kentucky, you twit. The only gold here is in people’s teeth.


Q: I read where the “Japanese Bigfoot” is commonly referred to as the Hibagon, and said to lurk in the forests of Mt. Hiba in Northern Hiroshima, from which it gains its namesake. What’s the difference between Bigfoot or Sasquatch and Hibagon?

A: Besides an accent, a craving for raw fish and about three feet in height, I can’t think of a thing.


Q: I saw an ad for Facebook for an iPhone app that said it would let you talk to the dead. Technicians analyzed the app and found that it works on the same principle as a Ouija board and requires the user to chant a prescribed incantation over his or her iPhone while lighting up an unfiltered cigarette as a burnt offering, and then calling out the dead person’s name three times in a loud voice. Do you think this could conjure up the dead?

A: I doubt it. I heard it had been developed by a Haitian witch doctor. Of course, I say gesundheit, toss salt over my shoulder, and say my prayers before I lay me down to sleep.


Q: A friend from Arizona told me Lake Havasu City’s London Bridge — the signature attraction relocated there stone by stone in 1971 is haunted. Apparently, EVPs (electronic voice phenomena) and abnormalities in photos and videos have been captured for years. Over 100,000 people are said to have committed suicide on the bridge when it spanned the River Thames since its completion in 1831, not to mention the bodies of executed criminals and pirates that were displayed on the span. Some even believe Jack the Ripper used the bridge as part of an escape route. Could it be that Arizona imported some ghastly ghouls with the bridge?

A: I can’t say one way or the other. I have visited the bridge many times without incident or photos of orbs, other than my own waistline.


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