December 11, 2019

Leprechaun Mugging

Q: I am a tour manager for a rock band. While washing my hands in a bar in Ireland, I spotted something in the mirror. Not worried, I turned and looked around. There was a small humanoid with bright tufts of red hair grinning manically at me. Its hair was matted and it was completely naked apart from a piece of fur around its waist. I reached behind for something to protect myself with when he leaped. With shocking speed it was on my head and “bang!” one swift crack to the skull. I woke up in a hospital bed. Apparently, I had been found with blood on my head and my wallet missing. The band thought I was mugged and had notified the police. Nothing much else happened. Anyone else reported leprechaun attacks?

A: Nope. Sounds like you’ve been riding the Willie Nelson mushroom bus.


 

Q: My sister, two cousins and I decided we wanted to walk to a party we had been invited to. Halfway there, not three feet in front of us was something. To this day I’m not sure what it was. It was over nine feet in height. Its width was maybe five feet across or more. It was stark white, and appeared to be like a blob, but with arms. It just stood there silently, and we stood where we were, just as silent, watching it watch us. Then, slowly it began to move toward us, and then we decided it was time to go. Screaming, I spun and fled in terror, back the way we had came, my sister and cousins right at my heels. Have you had similar stories submitted by others?

A: Nope. Sounds like you were walking behind the Willie Nelson bus.


 

Q: I kid you not, I have a little problem with a certain entity that won’t let me keep my toothbrush in the vanity drawer. I brush my teeth, put the toothbrush in the drawer, and when I come back, the thing is right back in the holder up on the counter top. I even show my husband. Is there such a thing as spirits having fetishes?

A: Yes. Turnabout is fair play. Try replacing your toothpaste with Preparation H–and don’t tell your husband.


 

Q: I took my lady friend for a moonlight stroll along Long Island Sound one early morning when we came upon what appeared to be an albino kangaroo. So, what was this thing we saw at the Nissequogue Nature Preserve?

A: Who knows? I wonder how many people can ride the Willie Nelson bus.


 

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