November 13, 2018

New Disease Causes Pigs to Run Rampant in UK

Q: I was reading predictions by alleged psychics when I came across this one: A new disease causes pigs to run rampant in the UK, not unlike mad cow, but more violent. At first I laughed, but then realized that if angry cattle could upset the United States, what would rampant pigs do to the United Kingdom? It isn’t enough we must worry about terrorists, now we have to be on the lookout for deranged swine. Some attribute this to our eating habits, but it has nothing to do with haggis, neeps and tatties.

A: I think mad cows were a danger only to those who ate them. I didn’t even know Brits barbecued. Don’t forget the cole slaw.


 

Q: I learned that since New Year’s Eve, about 5 ,000 birds have fallen from the sky in three US states and Sweden, while millions of fish have washed up dead around the world. Some have attributed these incidences to weather phenomena and others have thought they were caused by aliens or government experiments. Most people I know believe it to be a sign of the beginning of the End Times, the Great Tribulation. According to Christian belief, God will usher mankind into a three-and-a-half-year period of war, famine, natural disasters and an evil political front led by the Antichrist. The period will end when Jesus Christ returns to Earth during the battle of Armageddon. Could this be coinciding with the Mayan Calendars?

A: If everything you write is true, three-and-a-half years from now would be 2015. As far as I can tell, that means making it beyond 2012.


 

Q: A new show, “The Exorcist Files,” scheduled to air on the Discovery Channel has stirred up rifts between the Catholic Church, the Vatican, and practicing Catholics. The Discovery Channel claims they collaborated with the Vatican in the production of the forthcoming television series. The Vatican flatly denies any involvement in the project. Who do you believe?

A: Who knows? It’s a safe bet that the Vatican will claim they question what possessed executives from the Discovery Channel to make that claim.


 

Q: Experts have recently concluded that contact with aliens is “feasible,” while sci-fi literature, films and art should not be discredited as it could “advance knowledge towards new frontiers, and is not at all an unscientific concept.” Should we be getting prepared for an invasion?

A: Space, the final frontier. I always thought William Shatner talked like he was from another planet. How about Keanu Reeves. Where’s he from?


 

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