October 2, 2022

You Know Your House Is Haunted When…

Q: A friend of mine told me that if you hear heavy footsteps in the upstairs hallway when you know no one is up there, doors slam unaccountably, commonly used items disappear and reappear without cause, the kitchen light turns on by itself or there’s the unmistakable scent of a strange perfume in the air, your house is haunted. True hauntings are rare occurrences, and it may be difficult to determine whether or not any strange phenomena in your home might be a haunting since no one knows what a true haunting is. Do you know of anyone whose house might be or has been haunted?

A: I’m not sure. Does tripping over cat’s toys, stubbing your toes on furniture or walking into walls for no apparent reason count? If so, then yes.


Q: I’m sure everyone has been writing you about the Bigfoot allegedly found in Georgia that turned out to be 96% opossum on one DNA test, but part human on another, though only a trace amount. Can you explain why one test would produce even the slightest trace of human affiliation?

A: The fact that the alleged Sasquatch find took place in a remote forest in Georgia leads me to believe a little Deliverance might have been involved, if you know what I mean.


Q: My son gave me a piano he picked up from salvage. One night, I awoke to a tune floating through the house. It stopped and started several times, but it was definitely a tune – like someone practicing a song. Now, I’m terrified because no one was playing the piano! I listened for what seemed like hours before the piano finally went silent. Months went by and the piano continued to play itself. Not every night, but randomly. It haunted me for months. Have you ever heard a similar story to mine?

A: Yes. You can wait for the wind up thingy to run out of juice or remove the scrolls from inside the player piano. Either one will make it stop.


Q: According to some, the scariest movies ever made are: The Exorcist, The Haunting, Jacob’s Ladder, Poltergeist, The Sixth Sense, Rosemary’s Baby, The Innocents, Psycho and The Shining. What movies would you add?

A: I am familiar with all of the above movies except The Innocents, which I would replace with Alien. They all scared the popcorn out of me at one scene or another. I would, however, have to add the movie Silence of the Lambs. I would also remove Rosemary’s Baby and replace it with Seven.


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