November 13, 2018

Home Grown Hot Dogs!

Aren’t kids neat? Their minds are open and, like a sponge, ready to soak up new knowledge and experience. With the right combination of sincerity, craft and cunning, we older guys can turn this quality into a nifty game that’s fun for all and will provide fond memories in years to come. Please understand, I’m not advocating lying or trying to warp innocent young minds (believe me, I know the burden of a warped mind). Rather, I’m talking about having some fun with flights of fancy that can help kids exercise their minds. Allow me to illustrate. I know a…

New Toys

While the toy recalls mount through the ceiling, Sending outsourcing importers reeling, And Barbie’s lead paint Causes Elmo to faint, While the Easy Bake Oven is peeling, There’s an old fashioned movement re-starting, Causing Wal-Mart and Cosco some smarting, ‘Cuz without Einstein Blocks To stuff in kids’ socks, Toys R Us, from their profits, is parting. They are words often spoken by mothers, And repeated by grandmas and others, Fisher Price is appalled ‘Cuz they can’t be recalled: “Just go play with your sisters and brothers!” Related posts: Ask Kids about Mom and Dad On Board Computers The Sun Mystery

Wife Carrying Champion

SPORTING NEWS: John Farra, a former Olympic skier, won the North American Wife Carrying Championship at Sunday River, Maine last month. His first-place finish earned him and his 110-pound wife Tess her weight in beer and five times her weight in cash, or $550. Sedona considered such an event, but found no man who could lift his wife, never mind carry her. MORE SPORTING NEWS: A 62-year-old retired accountant from Nevada swallowed 247 peppers in eight minutes to win the Jalapeno Eating World Championship at the State Fair of Texas in Dallas. Richard LeFevre won $2,000 for prevailing in the…

Terrorism Creativity

TERRORISM CREATIVITY NEWS: The chairman of the Judiciary subcommittee on terrorism, technology and homeland security, said that terrorists could unleash electromagnetic bombs that would damage our vital electrical systems. He warned that an e-bomb attack could devastate the nation. This warning will create a nation of chaos with massive panic among Americans unless they realize that terrorists can’t create imaginary weapons as fast as we can create imaginary defenses against them. EDUCATION NEWS: Students at an Ivy League university were asked to write an essay that contained four subjects: religion, royalty, sex and mystery. The student who got an A+ wrote…

Ask Kids about Mom and Dad

Why did God make mothers? 1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my mom the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts. What ingredients are mothers made of? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and…

Out of the Mouths of Kids

The following are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children in 5th and 6th grade in Ohio: “Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don’t really understand. The English and French still have problems.” “Queen Elizabeth was the ‘Virgin Queen.’ As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah!” and that was the end of the fighting for a long while.” “It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and…

Say It Isn’t Sonny

There was an old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession. Like many young men, then and now, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do–and he didn’t seem overly concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. What he did was, he went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table these three objects: a new Bible, a pure silver dollar, and a bottle of Kentucky whiskey… “Now…

Day Care Disciplinary Practices

Excentric World staff members take a look at questionable day care disciplinary practices. Parents have been complaining about the inordinate amount of duct tape adhesive having to be removed from their children’s clothing. This picture was taken by one of the other children using their new iPhone. The day care worker explained that the child taped to the wall was being given a “time-out.” Due to a shortage of personnel, and the Criss Angel-like ability to escape from the usual time-out, the child had to be taped to the wall. The employee said it made it easy to keep an…

They Not Only Write To Santa Claus…

Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now. Amanda Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Billy Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot. Janet Dear God, I read the bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison Dear God, How did you know you were God? Who told…

Countersuit

TAKEN TO THE CLEANERS NEWS: Roy L. Pearson Jr. wanted to dress sharply for his new job as an administrative law judge in Washington, D.C. So when his neighborhood dry cleaner misplaced a pair of expensive pants he had planned to wear his first week on the bench, Judge Pearson sued the owners for 67.3 million dollars. Fortunately, he lost. Let’s hope he loses his shirt in a countersuit. DRUGS & KIDS NEWS: Investigators in Gulfport, Florida arrested a 14-year-old boy who apparently dialed a really, really wrong number. Authorities said the boy offered to sell drugs to the person…

Joy of Parenting 2

This is a continuation of the joy of parenting. While a parent can’t watch over their children 100% of the  time, certain precautions can help prevent accidents in and around the house. At first glance, this infant appears to be far too young and small to open a refrigerator door, reach up to the egg holder and take out a carton containing what appears to be a dozen raw chicken embryos. One can only assume the caretaker of this adorable child recently returned from grocery shopping, retrieving a dozen eggs that were left within the tiny person’s reach. Perhaps a quick trip…

The Joy of Parenting

The Sedona Excentric World investigative team takes a look at joy of parenting. Now, more than ever, parents and grandparents are holding their children a little tighter, seeing them in a different light and  perhaps being more forgiving and understanding than in times past. Children, on the other hand, will continue to be children. It’s not their fault; they are, after all,  children. This young lass found her way to a bowl of loose chocolate, perhaps pudding. From the looks of things, it wasn’t that good. While she obviously sampled it, she chose to use the bulk of it for interior decorating and personal adornment.  Knowing that a child will find myriad uses for pudding, it is left…

The Joys of Having Boys

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas… Things I’ve Learned from My Boys (honest, not  kidding): 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year old boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 lb boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman…

The Bible According to Johnny

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, “The Lord thy God is one,” but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, “Gimme a light!” and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden…..Not sure what they were driven in though, because…

Ask Kids about Parents

Why did your Mom marry your Dad? 1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot. 2. She got too old to do anything else with him. 3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on. Who’s the boss at your house? 1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to cuz dad’s such a goof ball. 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed. 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than…

Dirty Children Make Healthy Adults?

Excentric World staff members take a look at why some children are more prone to diseases and infections than others. While not recommended by doctors, recent studies have shown that adults who, as children, played in creeks, ate dirt, licked their wounds and lied about washing their hands were less likely to fall ill to the common cold and were able to ward off the flu and infections. The small child pictured may look forward to a healthy adulthood, taking tolerance building to a whole new level. Licking the snout of a pig may seem gross and disgusting at first,…

Encouragement from Ghosts

Q: My drama teacher told me a ghostly tale of when he was a stagehand and took a bow to what he thought was an empty theater one night after the play ended and everyone had exited. He looked up to see hundreds of applauding apparitions. They disappeared one by one. He said he thinks they were there to encourage his pursuit of becoming an actor. Do you agree? A: Oh yeah. He’s a teacher, right? I was going to go into acting but I was told I didn’t stand a ghost of a chance. Now I wonder if I…

Relaxing

There are so many kids here, all looking hale and hearty, And in a moment of weakness, I thought I’d throw them a party. Okay, got to think of the problems. Would the fuzz come cruising by, maybe, to complain about the noise? Would all the girls be holding hands, or worse, with all the boys? I rather hope so, because a certain amount of Gallic frivolity Always adds a little something to the evening’s jollity. Rolling around in the hay is a pleasure that comes to mind – Boys and girls having the fun that’s so very easy to…