November 13, 2018

Ask Kids about Mom and Dad

Why did God make mothers? 1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my mom the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts. What ingredients are mothers made of? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and…

Parenthood

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: PARENTHOOD “Don’t try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.” –Russell Baker “The best brought-up children are those who have seen their parents as they are. Hypocrisy is not the parents’ first duty.” –George Bernard Shaw “To become a father is not hard, to be a father is,…

Father Knows Best?

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: FATHERING “There is too much fathering going on just now and there is no doubt about it, fathers are depressing.” –Gertrude Stein “The fundamental defect of fathers, in our competitive society, is that they want their children to be a credit to them.” –Bertrand Russell “Rich men’s sons are seldom rich men’s fathers.” –Herbert…

Say It Isn’t Sonny

There was an old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession. Like many young men, then and now, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do–and he didn’t seem overly concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. What he did was, he went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table these three objects: a new Bible, a pure silver dollar, and a bottle of Kentucky whiskey… “Now…

Day Care Disciplinary Practices

Excentric World staff members take a look at questionable day care disciplinary practices. Parents have been complaining about the inordinate amount of duct tape adhesive having to be removed from their children’s clothing. This picture was taken by one of the other children using their new iPhone. The day care worker explained that the child taped to the wall was being given a “time-out.” Due to a shortage of personnel, and the Criss Angel-like ability to escape from the usual time-out, the child had to be taped to the wall. The employee said it made it easy to keep an…

Joy of Parenting 2

This is a continuation of the joy of parenting. While a parent can’t watch over their children 100% of the  time, certain precautions can help prevent accidents in and around the house. At first glance, this infant appears to be far too young and small to open a refrigerator door, reach up to the egg holder and take out a carton containing what appears to be a dozen raw chicken embryos. One can only assume the caretaker of this adorable child recently returned from grocery shopping, retrieving a dozen eggs that were left within the tiny person’s reach. Perhaps a quick trip…

Dirty Children Make Healthy Adults?

Excentric World staff members take a look at why some children are more prone to diseases and infections than others. While not recommended by doctors, recent studies have shown that adults who, as children, played in creeks, ate dirt, licked their wounds and lied about washing their hands were less likely to fall ill to the common cold and were able to ward off the flu and infections. The small child pictured may look forward to a healthy adulthood, taking tolerance building to a whole new level. Licking the snout of a pig may seem gross and disgusting at first,…