December 13, 2017

Headlines: The Year is 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States. Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. Last remaining Jihadist dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Iran, Syria, Libya and Afghanistan). France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but…

Cold is a Relative Thing

60 above zero: Arizonans turn on the heat. People in Minnesota plant gardens. 50 above zero: Arizonans shiver uncontrollably. People in Duluth sunbathe. 40 above zero: Italian and English cars won’t start. People in Minnesota drive with the windows down. 32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in Bemidji gets thicker. 20 above zero: Arizonans don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt. 15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold. Zero: People in Yuma all die. Minnesotans…

UFO In the Middle of Nowhere

Q: I was walking back to my motor home after wild boar hunting in an unpopulated area in Texas last year. The sky was clear; wind calm and the sun had just set when I saw what I believe was a UFO. The object approached from the south-southwest and while moving north-northeast, passed almost directly overhead making no sound whatsoever. I estimate its altitude to be somewhere about 800 feet and its airspeed speed approximately 30 mph. I aimed my rifle at it and through the rifle scope, which was set on 8.5 power, I could clearly see surface detail…

Photographic and Audio Evidence of Paranormal Activity

Q: I heard a company called the Mid South Ghost Hunters have set up a continuously streaming web cam on the second floor of the Quetzal Internet Cafe in Memphis, Tennessee. We have investigated this site twice with positive results and have obtained photographic and audio evidence of paranormal activity. Do you agree they have captured the proof ghosts exist? A: I went to the webcam site. There was a vacant room with bare walls–no coffee, no furniture, no Internet and no ghosts. Not much of a cafe.   Q: Government scientists say the next sunspot cycle will be 30-percent…