October 14, 2019

Happy New Year!

Remember this time 13 years ago? Everybody was worried about being Y2K compliant and waiting with bated breath to see if airplanes would fall out of the sky at the stroke of midnight.

Survivalists were holed up in their secret mountain fortresses guarding tons of freeze-dried food, alert and waiting to defend their strongholds against marauding hordes of city dwellers desperate for food and drink. Fly-by-night shysters were counting the mountains of money they made from the sale of emergency generators. Everyone was concerned. Everyone, that is, except our dogs and cats. They knew nothing about Y2K. When nothing happened, our dogs and cats weren’t surprised. They didn’t even notice that something hadn’t happened.

I’ve never been one to get too involved with New Year’s resolutions. This comes with a well-honed sense of practicality. I figure that if I make a resolution and break it I’ll feel bad, but if I fail to achieve a goal I never set in the first place, there’s nothing to feel bad about. At least that’s how I felt until now. Looking back on the great hullabaloo of Y2K, it seems that it might be a good idea to make a resolution this year. To wit:

I HEREBY RESOLVE TO LIVE MY LIFE MORE LIKE DOGS AND CATS LIVE THEIRS.

When our furry friends failed to panic about Y2K, I began to study them more closely. Over the past year, I’ve concluded that I’ll be a lot better off if I adopt a more dog-like or a cat-like approach to the world. Here, then, are some canine and feline principles to live by:

Always Smell First. Did you ever show a dog a picture of a rabbit? He smelled it. Show a dog a can of soda. He’ll smell it. Show him a garden rake. He’ll smell it. Okay, I think I’ve made my point.

Cats are the same way. What a thing looks like is not nearly as important as what it smells like. One important caution needs to be mentioned here. Apparently, there are no bad smells in dogland or catland. I’ve seen these supposedly intelligent creatures stick their noses into places I wouldn’t dream getting anywhere near. Therefore, this principle needs to be applied with some measure of judgment.

Get More Sleep. Cats are the world champs of sleeping. I read somewhere that a cat can sleep as much as 18 hours a day. If ever there was a statistic to make me jealous, that is it. What’s more, have you ever observed a sleeping cat? They can bend themselves up like pretzels and make it look comfortable. This sort of mastery of sleep is truly awesome and certainly worthy of emulation.

Learn to Eat Different Things. I’ve watched cats kill and eat squirrels, mice, moles, and birds. This, in addition to the expensive and yummy store-bought cat food provided for them. Am I missing something here?

What a tragedy if I were to go through life ignorant of some of the finest taste treats on the face of the earth, all available right in my own front yard! Not only do these yummy items provide a nice fresh snack, every one comes with a toy! A fuzzy squirrel tail can provide hours of amusement on a rainy afternoon. I’ve just got to find out what I’ve been missing. Maybe I’ll do something about this tomorrow. That’s right, tomorrow’s the day. Unless something comes up, of course?

Go Hunting More Often. Did you ever see a beagle that wasn’t ready to chase rabbits? How about a retriever that refused to chase a stick thrown into the water? Was there ever a coon dog who would rather watch television than be out on the chase? These “dumb” animals know better than we do what’s fun. Why not take a hint from them and go hunting more often. Call your boss in the morning and tell him you can’t come in today because your dog told you it was time to hit the woods. Your boss’s opinion of you will reach a new plateau.

Get Petted More. What happens when you’re lounging back on the couch or in the recliner with your arm hanging over the edge. I’ll bet it’s not long before you feel a cold wet nose in the palm of your hand. That’s your dog wanting to be petted, right? He’s got the right idea! How about the regular evening performance by your cat who jumps onto your lap and pretends to knead biscuit dough with her front paws? The message is clear, “PET ME!”

This is something we humans need to do more often. Think of the impact it’ll have when you nuzzle your nose into your wife’s empty hand right in the middle of Oprah? Or the joy you’ll bring into her life when you jump onto her lap and start kneading biscuits during a commercial break during Providence. Everybody wants to be wanted. You can pay no higher compliment to your woman than to show her that you love to be touched and patted and petted.  What the heck. It works for dogs and cats. Why not for guys? Let me know how you make out.

It’s time for my catnap.

Love,

BUCK

0.00 avg. rating (0% score) - 0 votes
Leave A Comment