September 19, 2019

Not In Our Super Department Store

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists Mr. Fenton go with her to their Super Department Store. He gets bored with shopping and prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. Here’s a letter sent to her from the store’s manager.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment and listed them below:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to restrooms.

4. July 19: Shouted in an official tone, “Code 3,” in housewares…and watched what happened.

5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-away.

6. Sept 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping dept. and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’d bring pillows
from the bedding dept.

8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, “Why can’t you people just leave me
alone?”

9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera and picked his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the
antidepressants.

11. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his Madonna look using different size funnels.

12. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled PICK ME! PICK ME!

13. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, There is no toilet
paper in here!

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