cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: IGNORANCE/STUPIDITY “People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.” Soren Kierkegaard “I’ll take crazy over stupid any day.” Joss Whedon “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” George Carlin “In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.” Napoleon Bonaparte “There is more stupidity…

Excentric World staff members take a look at the continual inequality between the sexes. Ladies Night continues to bring in the women who are let into nightclubs free of charge and offered drink specials at bars. Knowing that where the women are, men will follow, owners of drinking establishments continue to entice women with special rates not offered to men. Most men rarely complain about the unequal treatment because they realize that the greater number of women in attendance correspondingly increases their chances of getting lucky. The only women, besides Gloria Steinem styled feminists, who consider the bait bars and…

by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland Congressional approval has Completely gone to hell! Just nine percent of people think That Congress doesn’t smell! Which means that the electorate Ranks cockroaches above Their view of legislators in The battle for their love! And, also ranking higher than That noble band of thieves Are root canals and traffic jams And colonoscopies! And, head lice beat the buggers, too! And, Genghis Khan and France! They also lost to butt cracks that Peek over low slung pants! But, still, that Gang’s more popular Than ticks or bleeding scabs, Mad Cow Disease and lobbyists, Ebola and meth…

Excentric World staff members take a look at questionable day care disciplinary practices. Parents have been complaining about the inordinate amount of duct tape adhesive having to be removed from their children’s clothing. This picture was taken by one of the other children using their new iPhone. The day care worker explained that the child taped to the wall was being given a “time-out.” Due to a shortage of personnel, and the Criss Angel-like ability to escape from the usual time-out, the child had to be taped to the wall. The employee said it made it easy to keep an…

Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item: Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine. The world’s largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, California to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I. She said, “The right name is important.” So, here goes: The top 12 suggested names for…

Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now. Amanda Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Billy Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot. Janet Dear God, I read the bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison Dear God, How did you know you were God? Who told…

1. Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters. 2. Directions to your doctor’s office include, “Turn left when you enter the trailer park.” 3. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. 4. Only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter. 5. Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is “an apple a day.” 6. Your “primary care physician” is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. 7. Patient responsible for “200% of out-of-network charges” is not a typo. 8. The only expense covered 100% is embalming. 9. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn’t come in different…

MENTAL ENVIRONMENT NEWS: Authorities arrested a woman who told people at gas stations and hotels in the Village of Oak Creek, near Sedona, AZ, that they needed to evacuate because a cloud of cyanide gas was approaching from Phoenix. There was no cyanide cloud, and 55-year-old Christine Ann Long of Scottsdale was arrested on charges of disorderly and unreasonable noise. The only cloud turned out to be the fog in the woman’s mind. SUCKING NEWS: A 70-year-old man was charged with grand theft after police watched him siphon off more than 900 gallons of gasoline from underground storage tanks at…

When we age, the growth of hair on our legs slows down. Of course, now we have to take care of our newly acquired mustaches. When we age, we no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. When we age and we stand naked in front of a mirror, we can see our rear without turning around. When we age and go for a mammogram, we realize that this is the only time someone will ask us to appear topless. When we age, we want to tell all those lovely young things in tube tops to enjoy because the…

1. How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt 2. How to Hit a Nike from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist Off the Tee 3. How to Get More Distance Off the Shank 4. Crying and How to Handle It 5. How to Rationalize a 6-hour Round 6. How to Find That Ball that Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water 7. Why Your Wife Doesn’t Care That You Birdied the 5th 8. How to Let a Foursome Play Through Your Twosome without Getting Embarrassed 9. How to Relax When You Are Hitting 5 off the Tee 10….

Excentric World staff members look at good ol’ American ingenuity. Many people facing economic hardships are stretching not only their hard earned dollars, but their imaginations as well. While some traded steak for hamburger, others searched their homes for repair items. This homeowner has taken what at first seems to be an ordinary glass jar that once probably held a warehouse store’s super family size pepperoncini and converted it to a handy and decorative mailbox. Held in place using duct tape, one of the life’s staples, the clear receptacle is the perfect vessel for the Publisher’s Clearinghouse winning envelope.  …

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.” — Woody Allen “Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.” — Roger Babson “Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart; for his purity, by…

It’s true: one billion people are On Facebook day and night! Mark Zuckerberg keeps telling us His math is true and right. Now, I don’t doubt his numbers but I think I smell a rat. “There are,” my grandpa wisely said, “Two ways to skin a cat.” I think he meant the starting point Could be the nose and ears, Or, you could turn the cat around And start from his arrears! So, turning Facebook head to tail And counting from behind Illuminates the calculus With something new to find. It’s true! One billion people are On Facebook ’round the…

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: JOURNALISM “The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything. Except what is worth knowing. Journalism, conscious of this, and having tradesman-like habits, supplies their demands.” –Oscar Wilde “We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.” –Dave Barry “I…

North Korea appeared to have conducted its third underground nuclear bomb test, as the U.S. Geological Survey reported a seismic disturbance centered near the site of the secretive regime’s two previous nuclear (pronounced “new-clear”) (not “nuke-ya-ler”) tests. The president of North Korea takes time out of his busy day of having people salute him and sing him songs of praise to show the state controlled press the very spot where the blast could be felt. North Korea, not well known in the world of sports for its number of pro basketball players (namely none), showed very little concern that the…

TAKEN TO THE CLEANERS NEWS: Roy L. Pearson Jr. wanted to dress sharply for his new job as an administrative law judge in Washington, D.C. So when his neighborhood dry cleaner misplaced a pair of expensive pants he had planned to wear his first week on the bench, Judge Pearson sued the owners for 67.3 million dollars. Fortunately, he lost. Let’s hope he loses his shirt in a countersuit. DRUGS & KIDS NEWS: Investigators in Gulfport, Florida arrested a 14-year-old boy who apparently dialed a really, really wrong number. Authorities said the boy offered to sell drugs to the person…

This is a continuation of the joy of parenting. While a parent can’t watch over their children 100% of the  time, certain precautions can help prevent accidents in and around the house. At first glance, this infant appears to be far too young and small to open a refrigerator door, reach up to the egg holder and take out a carton containing what appears to be a dozen raw chicken embryos. One can only assume the caretaker of this adorable child recently returned from grocery shopping, retrieving a dozen eggs that were left within the tiny person’s reach. Perhaps a quick trip…

The Sedona Excentric World investigative team takes a look at joy of parenting. Now, more than ever, parents and grandparents are holding their children a little tighter, seeing them in a different light and  perhaps being more forgiving and understanding than in times past. Children, on the other hand, will continue to be children. It’s not their fault; they are, after all,  children. This young lass found her way to a bowl of loose chocolate, perhaps pudding. From the looks of things, it wasn’t that good. While she obviously sampled it, she chose to use the bulk of it for interior decorating and personal adornment.  Knowing that a child will find myriad uses for pudding, it is left…

I went to see a movie at A Phoenix metroplex And found I am a dinosaur!— A “Cinesaurus  rex!” The first thing was the squishy seats!— Recliners with foot rests!— With infinite positions to Anesthetize the guests! The next thing was the menu with Martinis and Chablis, Roast suckling pig and quiche Lorraine And oven roasted brie! And, finally, the table that Swung underneath my chin! I wondered,  “Is this hospice with A movie screen and gin?” The waitress came to welcome me Installing the IV! “It’s liquid popcorn, sir,” she said. “With Medicare, it’s free!” http://www.excentricworld.com/wp-content/uploads/audio/popcorndrip.mp3map :: {skin:’gray’, animate:true,…

1. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong. 2. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. 3. You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? 4. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population. 5. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. 6. The things that come to those that wait may be the things…

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Never sign a valentine with your own name.” — Charles Dickens “‘The whole world loves a lover’ is an interesting theory, but a very bad legal defense.” — Keith Sullivan “Platonic love is like an inactive volcano.” — Andre Pevost “I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate–but looking for her is much more difficult…

INCH OFF NEWS: Subway restaurants lit up the social network after a teenager measured his “footlong” sandwich and found it an inch short. Photos of measured sandwiches attracted hundreds of thousands of comments when posted on Subway’s Facebook fan page. Subway reps said “Subway Footlong” was a registered trademark “as a descriptive name for the sub sold in Subway restaurants and not intended to be a measurement of length.” The original claim of 12 inches most likely came from a man. BANG, BANG NEWS: Guns and shell casings seized by Newark, NJ Police are being melted into bracelets. A portion of proceeds from each sale goes to…

Our Excentric World staff members take a look at the signs of things to come. Taking the lead from politicians who  refuse to compromise their ideological  blueprint stamped into their psyche from their limited education and experience, this doggie decided the best way to deal with the restrictions of regulations was to remove the obstacle preventing the sharing of opinions with colleagues.   Related posts: An Editorial from Excentric World The C C ‘n R’s

A pastor’s wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor’s family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor’s expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor’s additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost. After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair…

DOUBLE DUI NEWS: Rhode Island State Police said a husband and wife both face charges of driving under the influence after they were stopped separately on the same night. A woman was stopped and detained for wreckless driving and then held after proving to be under the influence of alcohol. Her husband was arrested later for the same charge while driving to get her. POLYGAMY, ORIENTAL STYLE NEWS: Chinese authorities have arrested a legislator found to have four wives. A district official in the northern province of Shanxi said Li Junwen also had 10 children, and had been detained on…