April 17, 2024

Xtra Special Horoscopes for April 21-28, 2013

CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) This month, you are able to do a million things at once. While that truly is a very rare skill, indeed, there is no indication you will perform any of these tasks well.

AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) You are fun. You are bright. You are fun and bright. You are quick. You are enthusiastic. You are quick and enthusiastic. You are confused. You are Aquarius.

PISCES (March 20 – April 18) This is a good time to figure out who you are by putting yourself in new situations and see how you respond. You have to work your way up to bungee jumping.

ARIES (April 18 – May 13) Spring has sprung, flowers are blooming, birds are singing, the world is your oyster. Rather than finding a pearl, your oyster has that nasty, funky beardy thing.

TAURUS (May 13 – June 21) Your search for answers about your career comes up empty. Be quiet and you can learn a lot – even from trees. Like, if you stand still long enough, you’ll get peed on.

GEMINI (June 21 – July 20) This month is a good time for you to cross items off that to-do list. Your case is a little different. It seems you possess a much longer don’t-do list than others.

CANCER (July 20 – August 10)
Now is a perfect time to rack up those positive karma points. It can be as simple as not laughing when your mate falls over while picking something off the ground.

LEO (August 10 – September 16)
Your health is on your mind and this is a good time to start a new fitness routine. Add a new path in your house besides the ones to your kitchen and bathroom.

VIRGO (September 16 – October 30)
If you aren’t sure if you should take the road that is more traveled or the one that is less traveled, the only logical thing to do is turn around and run, really fast.

LIBRA (October 30 – November 23)
This month, you’ll have anxieties about a certain partnership that seems to be running afoul. It won’t be your fault, but you’ll be to blame. Same old, same old.

SCORPIO (November 23 – November 29)
Read all the instructions before you assemble that new super high tech electronic gadget you bought. It’s more complicated than the toaster, which you bungled.

OPHIUCHUS (November 29 – December 17)
Oddly, this month will present an opportunity for you to whip out a box of crayons and color your way to greatness. Try really hard to stay within the lines.

SAGITTARIUS (December 17 – January 20)
You’ll work on a project that’s a part of an international plan to thwart an evil spy ring. That’s what you’ll tell yourself while you’re delivering those pizzas.

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