April 25, 2024

Horoscopes for December 30, 2012-January 5, 2013

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

You will develop a craving for fish and peas this month. Knowing that those are favorites of Santa’s elves makes one pause to wonder if you make toys for a living.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

You will peek at the gifts under the tree looking for that special gift from Santa. You’ll switch some of the tags and end up with your mom’s underwear, again.

GEMINI (May 21 -June 20)

You will be asked to come up with your special Sedona name now that you have lived there for a year. “Works For Peanuts” is the first thing that comes to mind.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Some say it’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game. You will discover this holiday season that it’s what you give your lover that counts.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

You will slip on soap in the shower when no one is around this month. You’ll dry off thinking you are the incarnation of Greta Garbo or Maurice Chevalier.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

You will learn the meaning of the phrase “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” In fact, you will come to understand “nothing” well. It’s what you’ll get for Christmas.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

You will find yourself in a most serious quandary this holiday season. To compound your problems, you’ll keep asking yourself, “What would Gilligan do?”

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

You will get a lot of Spam this holiday season. Since you don’t have a computer, you can look forward to a stocking full of cans of that fake ham stuff.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

You will find no difficulty explaining your “bah, humbug” attitude this time of year. It’s not particularly the holiday season; you despise giving for any occasion.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Choosing not to celebrate the season with the typical caroling, decorations and gift giving, you are left to wander the back room of your video store, again.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

You family and friends will be pleased to hear the news that you want to become a doctor. They’re less than thrilled that your heart is set on becoming a proctologist.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Much to everyone’s surprise and delight, things will take a turn for the better for all Pisces. Of course, the bar is about as low as it will go, so don’t expect much.

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