Horoscopes for July 6-12, 2014
CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16)
Do not walk boldly to your future this month. It would be best if you pretend you’re a houseplant that needs shade. Prune the dead leaves and stand in a corner.
AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11)
You need to plug in for things to pan out. Or is it you need to tune in to drop out? Or maybe it’s you need to hang in to hang out. Well, you gotta get up to get down.
PISCES (March 20 – April 18)
Others will take their cues from you especially when Uranus follows Jupiter into Aries. Remember, if Uranus follows Jupiter too often, it’s considered stalking.
ARIES (April 18 – May 13)
You will be sprinting toward a finish line in July. You’ll feel great. You’ll wave to the cheering crowd causing you to trip and fall just before you break the tape. Ow!
TAURUS (May 13 – June21)
This month you’ll realize that your success is like a golden patina that glistens whenever the sun shines on you. Sadly, you’ll be working the graveyard shift.
GEMINI (June 21 – July 20)
By mid July, life once again becomes one giant college campus dishing out lesson after lesson. Just like in college, you’ll be spending all of your time in the cafeteria.
CANCER (July 20 – August 10)
Pluto continues working you to the bone through the extended transit in your work and health sector. Not sure why, since Pluto is no longer a planet. Hmmm.
LEO (August 10 – September 16)
In July, the more time you spend around others, the more you’re going to wish you were on a jet plane to a faraway place. Unfortunately, it’s not them – it’s you.
VIRGO (September 16 – October 30)
Think twice before storming out of your boss’s office shouting ‘I quit’ because you have to make coffee. What if you had to make low fat chai latte grandes?
LIBRA (October 30 – November 23)
With the Nodes of the Moon hitting your relationship houses, there is an enormous amount of amorous energy going on. Try not to lock yourself in the bathroom.
SCORPIO (November 2)
Your energy is ripe for taking or making music yourself even if you’ve never picked up an instrument. For the love of family and friends, don’t choose drums.
OPHIUCHUS (November 29 – December 17)
You’ll push the emotional envelope, raise the romance bar and go for the biggest love stakes your loyal heart can fathom. It’s not the jump, but landing that hurts.
SAGITTARIUS (December 17 – January 20)
This month, everyone around you is acting as if you owe them something. Unfortunately, in many cases it’s true. It’s a really good time to fake amnesia.
