April 16, 2024

Horoscopes for September 23-29, 2012

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

The good life and all that is fine and luxurious may be what you value just now. Unfortunately, the low life and all that is cheap and tawdry is all you can afford.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

You will have opportunities to add your own personal touch to the work you do. Not everyone will be impressed by your chewed gum glue jobs.

GEMINI (May 21 -June 20)

There could be some tension or sense of opposition requiring compromise or negotiation on your part. Wearing you underwear inside your pants is a start.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

A superior thinks you will fit in nicely in a new job identity—more money. Of course, it means relocating your family to Pago Pago and living on a tuna boat.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

To change your luck, you will try to impress your mate with a candle-light dinner. You will knock over a candle, scorch the table and give your mate a bikini wax.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Lovely words and a flair for description helps you to express yourself in original, but excellent ways. Fortunately, “nice butt” was enough for you to get lucky.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

You are at your mental best when you are communicating with others this month. It seems you always end up in an argument when you are just talking to yourself.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

You may be able to discover whole new areas of your mind that have been closed before now. After some reflection and deep contemplation, you think, “Gee.”

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

You will find a new way to serve others this September. This will easily be accomplished by the simple act of carrying the tray with your other hand.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

You will become interested in new and different lifestyles and ways to make a living. Try starting with the ones that are considered legal and mostly disease free.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

This month may not be the right time to try to solve any serious problems or make important decisions. Give it a year or two or three and then try it again.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

A social occasion this month will find you at your most elegant. Of course, your most elegant means wearing socks, shoes and an aerosol antiperspirant.

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