April 25, 2024

Father’s Day

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner.

“I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, “My dad can beat up your dad.” I’d say, “Yeah? When?”
— Bill Hicks

“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”
— Bill Cosby

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”
— Mark Twain

“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.”
— Red Buttons

“Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.”
— Jack Handy

“I have always had the feeling I could do anything and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong.”
— Ann Richards

“A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he called Bush’s dad. How embarrassing, when world leaders start calling your father.”
— Jay Leno

“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
— Charles Wadsworth

“The fundamental defect with fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them.”
— Bertrand Russell

“My brother Bob doesn’t want to be in government — he promised Dad he’d go straight.”
— John Fitzgerald Kennedy

“Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.”
— Oscar Wilde

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