April 17, 2024

Lottery Offense

LAW ENFORCEMENT NEWS: A winner of the Arizona Lottery has been convicted of a federal offense, and was sentenced to prison for 10 years or 1 week each month for 42 years.

MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH NEWS: Scientists in South Korea recently announced that, on the heels of cloning human tissue, they have been able to create artificial human sperm. This development will probably be of particular interest to married American males who are often either too tired or too lazy to create their own or are busy watching a sporting event.

SPREADING GOSSIP NEWS: Some people don’t believe in repeating gossip, so you have to listen carefully the first time they tell it.

STOCK MARKET NEWS: When Weight Watchers came out with a new stock offering, it was expected to lose steadily in small increments at first, then gradually gain it all back.

PHARMACEUTICAL NEWS: Bayer Aspirin manufacturers announced they are coming out with a erectile dysfunction pill to be marketed in the same package as their aspirin. That way, nobody will have any excuses.

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