April 17, 2024

Stealing Not Done by Clown

CRIME WAVE NEWS: Ronald MacDonald, an employee at a Manchester, N. H. Wendy’s Restaurant has been charged with stealing money from a safe. The 22-year-old MacDonald was detained at the store until police arrived after the crime was witnessed and reported by the manager. The sad part is the local paper felt it necessary to say he wasn’t related to Ronald McDonald, the clown.

INDIANA INTELLIGENT DESIGN NEWS: Indiana Police were trying to determine the origin of a runaway ostrich that led officers on chase through neighborhood streets and yards. The bird eluded officers in St. John for about two hours before police managed to throw a net over it, The Times of Munster reported. Some scientists say the ostrich’s origin was an egg.

SPIRITUAL NEWS: Carrying rosary beads and cameras, the faithful have been coming in a steady stream to a church on the outskirts of Sacramento, CA for a glimpse of what some are calling a miracle: A statue of the Virgin Mary they say has begun crying blood. “There’s a big event in the future, earthquake, flood, a disease,” a parishioner said. “We’re very sad.” Police are investigating a mugging of a man nearby who was found holding a bottle of Visine in his hand.

BIRD FLEW NEWS: Eight plastic flamingos were stolen from a yard in Kingston, N.H. The owner, who dresses up her flock for the holidays, was surprised to find two roadside and eight returned to the police station, adding to the collection. A woman donated eight more birds, and two were left on the porch. They’ll be dressed as reindeer and elves for Christmas.

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