Snake Oil Love

The woman parked her car and climbed
My steps and kicked my door!
I opened up to face a girl
That scared me to the core!
“You’re nothing but a charlatan!”
She screamed into my face,
“A snake oil selling swindler,
A vacuous disgrace!”
She waved my column in the air;
Her eyes were blazing red!
“Oh dear,” I cried. “I’m falling fast!
Just tell me, are you wed?
“I’m looking for a woman and
I think you’ll fit the bill.
I’m hopelessly attracted to
Your clear, abusive will!
“My other marriages, for love,
Were less than second rate.
I’m ready for a marriage built
On clear, unbiased hate!”