June 6, 2023

Blame the Ouija Board

Q: A passionate student of the paranormal and the occult experimented with a Ouija board. She tried to contact spirit entities through the board, but she had neglected to assume a prayerful attitude to guard against malignant influences. She felt as though another being was somehow influencing her thoughts and causing her to fantasize sexual images regarding her friends and classmates. Can messing with a Ouija board cause this?

A: I guess. A lot of professional people would chalk it up to puberty, but hey, why not blame the Ouija board?


Q: I read an article stating that Earth’s moon is a billion years older than our planet, that there are UFOs stationed there and that it is possibly hollow and used by aliens for various purposes. Have you heard any of this?

A: Of course. I have also heard that it is made of cheese.


Q: I had trouble sleeping one night and decided to get a beer at a bar across the street from my apartment. Besides one other patron, an elderly black man at the other end of the bar and the bartender, I was the only one there. After just one beer, I noticed an older, badly wrinkled, haggardly looking woman on the stool next to me. I never heard or saw her come in. A few moments later she was gone. The bartender, new to the area, said he never saw her, but the black gentleman said he knew of a story of a woman who jumped to her death off the bar’s roof some thirty years back and that her ghost is rumored to visit the bar. Could I have seen this woman’s ghost?

A: Who knows? Some guys see haggardly, wrinkled women in bars and take them home after drinking a few beers, when the old women magically turn into babes.


Q: I was on my way to work and stuck at a corner waiting to get out. Just as I pull out, this idiot comes out of nowhere doing about 50 mph down the main street. I slammed on the horn, waved my hands in the air, and was about to flip the guy off when I got a good look at his face, and stopped. He looked just like me, exactly like me! Even had the same black hat and white shirt I wear to work. He was driving the same exact car as me with dents in the same areas as mine. Could this have been a doppelganger?

A: If you’re an idiot also, I’d say it could be so.


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