April 25, 2024

Haunted by Clocks

Q: Lights are blowing out near me….above me…..beside me. Street lights blow when I drive or walk by. TV’s at home and work are coming on by themselves. This happens everyday at least 3-4 times. My debit card has been reissued twice because the magnetic strips aren’t working. I’m also haunted by clocks. Every time I look at a clock, it’s 11 after the hour. Right now it’s 12:11. Is there someone I can talk to?

A: Talk to an electrician, change the batteries in your remote and make your appointments for 11 after the hour. By the way, I’m writing this at 1:03 pm.


Q: I want to know can we or do we eat after death? You see, I love food and I was wondering if I can eat all my heart desires. Can I eat all my favorite foods…I would love a good answer to this. One good thing is that we probably wouldn’t gain weight, right?

A: Fortunately for the seriously obese, only one’s spirit, soul or essence crosses over, needing no food to continue. However, gluttony being one of the seven deadly sins may deem some people who love to eat finding their souls rotting in Hell, waiting forever in the all you can eat buffet line.


Q: Last night, as usual, I woke up around 2:30 am. Since I couldn’t sleep, I decided to go downstairs to get a drink. As I stood up, I felt dizzy. I didn’t think anything of it. So, I stumbled towards my door to get to the steps. When I got to about the 3rd step from the landing, I saw some kind of light. I felt this icy cold feeling in my chest, as if my heart had stopped, then I fell forward, blacked out. When I awoke, I was in my bed. I thought I had some freaky dream until I went downstairs the next morning. When I reached the landing, I saw that one of the picture frames had fallen off the wall and that there was a slight dent below it. Any explanation?

A: Key phrases: Woke up as usual, get a drink, felt dizzy, cold feeling, heart had stopped. . . . You’re a boozer with a bum ticker. Get help! Now!


Q: A friend of mine is looking into mummification. He wants to be zapped, wrapped, laid in a sarcophagus and sealed in a vault. The cost could well be over $200,000. Isn’t this just vanity to the end?

A: Your friend is obviously into the studies and beliefs of those from ancient Egypt. He is probably a reincarnation of Narcissus.


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