February 25, 2024

Cold is a Relative Thing

60 above zero: Arizonans turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.

50 above zero: Arizonans shiver uncontrollably.
People in Duluth sunbathe.

40 above zero: Italian and English cars won’t start.
People in Minnesota drive with the windows down.

32 above zero: Distilled water freezes.
The water in Bemidji gets thicker.

20 above zero: Arizonans don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.

Zero: People in Yuma all die.
Minnesotans close the windows.

10 below zero: Sedonans fly away to Mexico.
People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.

25 below zero: Tempe disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero: Washington, D.C. runs out of hot air.
People in Minnesota let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Minnesotans get upset because they can’t start the minivan.

460 (-459.67 F below zero – absolute zero, zero on the Kelvin scale.): ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Minnesota start saying…’Cold ‘nuff fer ya?’

500 below zero: Hell freezes over.
Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.


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