April 17, 2024

New Living Will!

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

______A Bloody Mary
______A Margarita
______A Scotch and Soda
______A Martini
______A Vodka and Tonic
______A Steak
______Lobster or Crab Legs
______The Remote Control
______A Bowl of Ice Cream
______The Sports Page

it should be presumed that I won’t ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.

Date: __________________

I also hear that in Ireland they have a nursing home with a pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors. (Sounds like my kind of nursing home).

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