December 13, 2017

Bet the Better

Dear Frankly, I am the wife of a compulsive gambler. He didn’t start out that way, but in the past four or five years he has become hooked on betting on everything from professional sports to our kid’s soccer matches. Friends are afraid to show up at sporting events in fear he will approach them. How can I stop him? It would be easier if he was losing money, but he has won enough to recently buy me new car. Worried Wife Dear Worried, I like that you waited to get a new car before writing to get him help…

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Netflix is an Option

Dear Frankly, I’m a 30-year-old divorcee, attractive, and often mistaken for being in my early 20s. I really miss having someone in my life and would love to marry again. I meet men easily, but they are interested in sex, especially when they find out that I have 3 kids. I am educated, independent and mature. I have tried meeting men at school, my job and at bars. But these have not worked for me. Do you have any suggestions as to good places to meet the kind of high quality men that I seek? Unlucky Searcher Dear Unlucky, Men…

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Preventing Premature Yoga Postures

Dear Frankly, I’m a 26 year old, successful, professional female with no children. I met the man I would like to marry last weekend at my art exhibit. We are both visual artists. We talked art and there was light flirtation (my mother was there). Parting, he took my business card and asked me to email him. I did, and asked him when his next visit to my city would be, and he quickly replied with the date he would be back in town. It’s been two days and I have not heard back from him. What should I do?…

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Weenie Wonders

Dear Frankly, I’m a 32-year-old woman who has been dating a 32-year-old man for five months who, in my opinion, would receive a very high score. He’s handsome with a great personality and mutual moral convictions. He’s marriage minded and very attentive and complimentary to me. The problem is he seems very feminine in his mannerisms. He is soft-spoken and his total demeanor at times exudes softness. He says things I don’t normally hear from a man. Should I be concerned about this? Limping into Love Dear Limping, My fourth husband was a real weenie–soft spoken wimp. He never raised…

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Missing in Action

Dear Frankly, My soon-to-be-husband called and suggested getting together. We agreed to meet at his apartment. So, I went home, rushed through my evening tasks, and went to his apartment. He was not there, so I let myself in, fed the dog and settled in. Two hours later – no boyfriend. I left a voice mail on his cell phone and went home. I have not heard from him in two days and I am boiling mad. This is the second time this has happened. What should I do? Ticked Terry Dear Ticked, Before he was my fourth husband, Frank…

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Dreaming about Ex

Dear Frankly, After an 8 year long relationship, my husband and I got a divorce. I tried giving him his space, thinking he would realize I was the one for him. He is now with one of my “close friends,” and will soon be having a baby. We didn’t have any children because we felt we weren’t ready for them yet. I have since moved away in the two years we’ve been apart. I’ve done everything I could think of to get over him, but every night I still see him in my dreams. How do I move on and…

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Jailbirds and Online Jilters

Dear Frankly, I have a brother-in-law who is constantly in trouble. His antics are even starting to affect my marriage to his sister. We get along fine until we start arguing about him. She’s the one who brings him up and I don’t want to ignore her. What should I do? Puzzled Hubby Dear Puzzled, My third husband had a younger brother that couldn’t stay out of jail. His mother kept bailing him out. He’d apologize and get everyone feeling sorry for him. Then, not a month later, he’d be right back in the slammer. My husband and I argued…

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Divorce-Say Dilemmas

Dear Frankly, I’m a separated 40-plus male “divorced” for many years in every way but legally. I posted a personal ad on a website and have been contacted by –and met–a number of women. There is one woman in particular that I am very interested in and have been spending a lot of time with. I have not told her I am still married and did not share this in my profile because I believed it would scare women away. When is the right time to come clean and admit my situation? Not Quite Divorced Dear Not Quite, My fourth…

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Age Ire

Dear Frankly, I am 54 and just broke up a 10-year relationship with a younger man. He is 45. Now he has a girlfriend who is 28. We have been apart for a little more than a year. But now it bothers me that he has this girlfriend and I don’t know why. I know I have to move on and get over him. I was OK until I found out he had someone else. I can’t stop thinking about them. Do most women do this or is something wrong with me? Ticked Off Terri Dear Ticked, My fourth, and…

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Panty Man a Problem?

Dear Frankly, I have been married for two years now and it is still exciting. Both of us have had previous marriages that were disasters. The other day when doing laundry, I noticed most of the undergarments were mine and some were stretched. My husband admitted he has been wearing my underwear and says he likes the way they feel and it makes him feel closer to me. Is this something I should be concerned with? Any suggestions? Briefly Betty Dear Briefly, My fifth husband liked to wear my panties. He claimed they were softer than his and made him…

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Do I Wait for Mr. Right?

Dear Frankly, I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now. He’s a “nice” guy. He treats me well and we have some of the same interests, pursuits, etc. I just don’t feel a real strong chemistry. He’s attractive, but it’s not WOW. I’m hesitant to move very fast, even though he has clearly expressed his interest in our becoming more serious. How do I know if this is the guy? If I’m unsure, am I not just settling? What if I take it to the next level and then Mr. Right comes along? Baffled Bernice Dear Baffled, I…

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Self-absorbed Supervisor

Dear Frankly, I work with a man who is self centered and conceited. He is also a department supervisor. He is always talking about himself and never listens to anyone about anything. Since he is such a witty person, people are spellbound by his conversations when they first meet him. After a while, it begins to wear thin. He corners anyone passing by and rambles on forever, if allowed. How can we stop him without losing our jobs? Beyond Bored Barbara Dear Beyond, My fourth husband worked for man just like that. Once, at a company gathering, I befriended his…

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Boyfriend Thievery

Dear Frankly, I’ve known this guy for about 4 months and he’s my best friend. We have a lot of things in common and we just seem to click. The problem is my friend who introduced us has liked him for 4 years. He pretty much ignores her now and spends time with me. We keep sneaking around so she won’t see us together. When I told her I liked him she got upset. I want to pursue this relationship. Is there a way to tell her we’re becoming a couple without hurting her feelings? Running Rhonda Dear Running, I…

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Long Distance Longings

Dear Frankly, I have been dating a guy for a few weeks. I date quite frequently, but never seem to find anyone that I actually like, or desire a second date with. From the first date, I realized that I really like this guy. The problem is that he is in Arizona and I am in California. We have been able to talk to each other extremely well so far. I have voiced the fact that I like him a lot. He seems to be interested also. Is it just best to let it be or is there something that…

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Tinkerbell’s Dilemma

Dear Frankly, I’m dating a guy with Peter Pan Syndrome. He’s got a heart as big as a mountain and always has a kind word for everyone, no matter their faults or failings. The problem is he is in his 30’s, has never been married and acts like a boy with a new toy every time we make love. While I’m enjoying this infatuation now, I’m afraid I’ll tire of the naivete and end up hurting his feelings. Should I keep my emotions close to avoid what seems to be the inevitable? Compassionate Clara Dear Compassionate, I doubt he will…

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The Advantages of Marrying a Momma’s Boy

Dear Frankly, I love your columns! I am planning to marry the man of my dreams next June. We have been dating for over a year and are sooooo much in love. We want to have a huge outdoor wedding in Sedona. Although his parents are wonderful, I’m a little concerned about the role that they still play in his life…particularly his mother. She still does my fiancé’s laundry, cooks his lunches daily and cleans his house. What do you think? Marching to Marriage Dear Marching, My fifth husband also was a momma’s boy. I suggest you marry him, let…

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Boyfriend Blues

Dear Frankly, I’m 50, so it’s all downhill from here. Since I don’t want to die alone, I’ve settled for an alcoholic workaholic, live-in boyfriend for the past four years who won’t marry me–in fact, he doesn’t even talk to me or take me out on dates. He’s a couch potato but he’s optimistic and upbeat and has promised to be more available in the future. I’ll be working forever to pay off the debts I’m accruing taking care of us. I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions for me? Confused Connie Dear Confused, In the four years you…

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Mom to Visit

Dear Frankly, My mother wants to come visit us here at the ranch. She is a divorcee  and  in  between  husbands. She is a smoker and has always been a hard  drinking woman.  Our relationship has been rocky since I was a child. I married a minister and together we are pastors at a small, country church. We have five young children of our own and we are raising them quite a bit more sheltered than I was raised. I am leery about her visit. How do I deal with my mother’s lifestyle? Scared Sarah Dear Scared, It seems you turned out quite well,  according  to  your  standards. It’s funny, many boozing, smokers’ kids end up the…

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Can I Trust My Husband?

Dear Frankly, I’ve been married for two years to a man I dated for five years. He recently quit his job and decided to buy and sell investment property. He has asked me to hand over my inherited savings and my daughter’s education fund for his speculations so he can “make some serious money.” He’s never helped with the bills, and apparently doesn’t intend to. He drives a car I bought him and lives in my house. He doesn’t even take out the garbage! Can I trust him? Doubting Doris Dear Doubting, I can’t believe you didn’t figure out what…

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Marry a Momma’s Boy?

Dear Frankly, I have been seeing a guy for 2 years. Ever since we started dating he has had another woman in his life — his mother. When she’s around, I do not exist! He uses her as his confidante and solicits her opinion about everything. I’ve expressed my discomfort with their relationship, but to no avail. There has been talk of our becoming engaged lately, but I can’t marry a man who puts his mother before me. Am I wrong to feel this way? Almost Engaged Emma Dear Engaged, My third husband was a momma’s boy. It was endearing,…

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Suspicious & Discombobulated

Dear Frankly, I joined a religious match online dating service to find someone who shares my values and build a future with. If you thought it was tough meeting people in bars, try being a person who doesn’t go to bars. I found a great guy and we had been dating each other only for a couple of months when a friend told me she saw his name still on the dating site. When approached, he said it was their error. Can I trust him? Suspicious Sarah Dear Suspicious, I found three of my husbands in bars. Or should I…

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Shameless Brother

Dear Frankly, My mother lives on Social Security and has very little savings left since Dad died last year. I manage her affairs, and encourage her to save for emergencies. The problem is my 38-year-old brother. He can’t keep a job and is burning through the little bit of savings she has. It has reached the point that Mom is now hiding food in her own house so she’ll have something to eat. Any advice on how to deal with my brother? Bothered Brother Dear Bothered, Are you aware of interventions? I suggest you have a family gathering, perhaps a…

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Departing Dearly

Dear Frankly, I’m a widower with two grown children and am approaching my final days. After my death I would like a former high school girlfriend notified, and I have written a letter to be given to her. She has been married to the same man for 40 years, and we have not been in contact. I always had special feelings for her and would like to her to know and thank her for the great times we had together. Am I doing the right thing? Departing Dad Dear Departing, Well, as far as I can tell, you’ll be gone…

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Campy Former Partner

Dear Frankly, I’ve been dating the woman I love for more than three years. Recently, she suggested we take a break. It’s been a couple of months now and I have only managed to reach her a few times by phone. She says I did nothing wrong, but she wants to figure things out. She also said she has been hanging out with an old friend. They have been camping and to concerts, but has only kissed him. Should I try to win her favor or let her go? Depressed Dave Dear Depressed, Let her go. I’ve found that when…

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Party Pooping Remedy

Dear Frankly, I’m the kind of person who likes big gatherings of friends and family over the holidays. My husband of four years, who is Jewish, is an only child and never celebrated Thanksgiving and certainly had no Christmas Eve feast. He begrudgingly participates when everyone crowds the house, but disappears to the basement and the television while lively conversation takes place elsewhere. Should I just let him be or push him to join in? People Person Pam Dear People, Let him be. The holiday cheer will be over soon enough, but your husband will hopefully still be around. I…

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Sink or Swim

Dear Frankly, My sister says I need to put a time limit on waiting for my boyfriend to propose to me. She says I should not let him know about the time limit. We have been together for more than 5 years. I think our relationship is very strong. We live apart, but I spend a lot of time at his apartment and he at mine. I would like to marry him, though. We have talked a little about marriage, and he says he plans for us to marry. I am not sure how I would approach this time limit….

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Spend It While You’re Young

Dear Frankly, My wealthy in-laws keep giving us money to add on to our house. I appreciate their offers, but feel as an adult, both my husband and I should be able to support ourselves and our two children. My husband expects them to pay for a variety of things he wants and depends on them to bail him out. I would rather not accept their money (knowing that if we truly had a crisis, they could be a possible resource). My husband and I usually butt heads over this. Should I graciously accept their offer and let it go?…

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Sisterly Encouragement

Dear Frankly, My younger sister needs to lose weight and quit smoking. She is in her forties with one son nearly college age. Far be it from me to interfere, but I have genuine concerns for her health and well-being. What should I do to encourage her without upsetting her and causing her to add depression to her list? Stubborn Sister Dear Stubborn, Well, a first read of your letter gives a tone of concern. But then I started to see that your sister may have issues because she has always had to deal with her perfect little Miss Priss…

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Online Role-Playing

Dear Frankly, My dad has found an online role-playing game with live people and everything, but now he is talking to them more than his own family. He doesn’t even eat dinner with us so he can play this stupid game. He doesn’t understand that as much fun as he is having with his game, he is hurting us. It is also getting in the way of my parents’ marriage. They have been married for 20 years; I don’t want it to end because of my dad’s childishness. How do I tell him to stop? Should I just delete the…

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Speaking in Code

Dear Frankly, My name is Larry and my girlfriend has just decided to “take a break” with me. I said, “OK,” but now she’s trying to stay away from me. She has asked me to stop calling her and she has also told me that we can’t see each other as much anymore because she needs some “personal space.” She won’t even give me a chance to try to work things out. What am I supposed to do? Please help me. How can I win her back? Lovelorn Larry Dear Lovelorn, I can’t see why you would want to get…

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