March 24, 2019

Bet the Better

Dear Frankly, I am the wife of a compulsive gambler. He didn’t start out that way, but in the past four or five years he has become hooked on betting on everything from professional sports to our kid’s soccer matches. Friends are afraid to show up at sporting events in fear he will approach them. How can I stop him? It would be easier if he was losing money, but he has won enough to recently buy me new car. Worried Wife Dear Worried, I like that you waited to get a new car before writing to get him help…

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AA for Dummies

Dear Frankly, I’m 43 years old and in my 10th year of recovery in a 12-step fellowship. I separated from my wife of 11 years recently. I have reconnected with a woman I met in the same group many years ago. We were friends and fooled around a bit, but it didn’t stick. She has a steady job and is buying a house. She left the program some years back and drinks socially. I’m afraid if I get too close I could fall off the wagon. What should I do? Confused Karl Dear Confused, Let’s review…While you were in AA…

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Team Play

Dear Frankly, There is a woman I like who has a boyfriend where we all work. He and I play for the company basketball team. She asked me to go out with her and I agreed. I asked her about her relationship with Jack. She said it was on again, off again and she didn’t know where it was going. I don’t really know what she wants from me. We are from different races but it doesn’t seem to matter to her. I don’t know whether she is serious. What should I do? Befuddled Barry Dear Befuddled, My third husband…

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Younger Booty Bother

Dear Frankly, I’m 54 and broke up a 10-year relationship with a younger man a year ago. And he now has a girlfriend (28). He’s 45. But now he has this girlfriend and it bothers me and I don’t know why. I know I have to get over him and I was OK until I found out he had someone else. Do most women do this or is something wrong with me? I should have got out a long time ago. Please tell me, Frankly, how do I go about getting along with the rest of my life? Pausing with…

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Soulmate Reversal

Dear Frankly, Why would a man tell me (again and again) that we are soulmates, that he’s been waiting his whole life for me and that he wants to have a baby with me—and then suddenly tell me we are not right for each other and end it with no explanation? We dated for over 10 months and had, I thought, a great relationship. We never fought and no problems ever came up between us. I don’t understand. I was expecting a proposal, not a break-up! I’m devastated. What happened? Sad and Confused Dear Sad, How should I know? I…

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Marry Your Sister’s Ex?

Dear Frankly, I am involved with my sister’s ex. We are in love and have recently moved in together. I am hoping our relationship be accepted by our families. I am worried about hurting my sister’s feelings. We found out that it is legal to marry each other here. He has asked and I want to. I guess what I’ve been looking for is someone’s blessing. My sister left the marriage and I cannot help that things worked out this way. Is there any way I can overcome our family issues? Confused Carla Dear Confused, When would it not be…

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Bisexual Boyfriend

Dear Frankly, My boyfriend, who I have been dating for three years, has just told me that he is bisexual. He said that he has never told anyone else and has hidden it from me until now. I cried for a week. I have many self-esteem problems already. He also said that if he were in my shoes, he would probably end the relationship. However, he’s glad I haven’t ended it and promises to be true. I am so confused with no one to talk to. What should I do? Confounded Connie Dear Confounded, Well, if that doesn’t beat all….

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A Deceiving Friendship

Dear Frankly, I was in a relationship that ended a month ago. The cause was her cheating, lying and deceiving me for a long time. I had no idea and it all came as a shock to me. Through all the pain I have suffered, I have really tried to be her friend and understand why she hurt me. But even now it has been me trying to keep contact with her and keep a “friendship” alive. I feel like maybe I’m doing this so that I don’t feel like I wasted over a year with her. Please help. Caring…

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Online Lying

Dear Frankly, I need some advice. I answered an online personal ad, but lied about a few things–like my age, education, hobbies, weight, job and income level. Now I am supposed to meet this woman for a drink at a local watering hole. We will each be carrying a white rose for identification. This gal sounded so interesting and her profile and pictures looked so good, I just had to meet her. I’m afraid she is going to be disappointed and run out before she gets a chance to find the real me. Misleading Marv Dear Misleading, I’m not sure…

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Spilled Milk

Dear Frankly, I have really gotten myself into a quandary. About a year ago I went to a bar with some girlfriends. I danced with a guy and had a great time. I started going back to the bar by myself to see if he was there. He was. After a couple of weeks he and I started doing more than just dancing. Months later, we agreed to put our relationship on ice. How do I get over an affair I should not have had in the first place? He and I are both married. I run into him all…

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The Making of a Woman’s Dream

Dear Frankly, I am a slightly built, light skinned, baby faced, balding teacher and not exactly a classic “woman’s dream.” I get along with women and have many women friends. They appreciate my humor, intelligence and understanding nature, yet it is rare when one of them shows an “attraction” towards me. For the past two years, I have been dateless and celibate. I’m beginning to experience desperation. Is it possible for a man my age (48) to find a relationship with a woman 20 years younger? Desperate Dave Dear Desperate, Learn to dance? Dress hip? A teacher’s salary? My fourth…

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Dumped or Dumb?

Dear Frankly, I met my girlfriend six months ago when she was engaged to someone else. Recently, a group of friends got together. She and I ended up dancing, talking for hours, and then spending the night together–after which she decided she was not ready for marriage and broke off her engagement. A week later, we decided to be an exclusive couple. Now, after only one month together, she has decided that we rushed things and need to step back. She would like to “start over” and date other people, too. Did I just get dumped or what? Confused Guy…

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A Litmus Test for How Serious He Is

Dear Frankly, A very significant boyfriend from my past recently used the Internet to find me. He said he had looked for me over the years (it has been 8 years since we split up.) This is the one man with whom I had actually discussed marriage very seriously with. We e-mailed and text-messaged each other often for a couple of weeks. He was flirty and sweet–the way I remembered him. After a few weeks of talking and one date, which went very well, he suddenly stopped contacting me. After a month, he reappeared, and then went away again. Any…

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Netflix is an Option

Dear Frankly, I’m a 30-year-old divorcee, attractive, and often mistaken for being in my early 20s. I really miss having someone in my life and would love to marry again. I meet men easily, but they are interested in sex, especially when they find out that I have 3 kids. I am educated, independent and mature. I have tried meeting men at school, my job and at bars. But these have not worked for me. Do you have any suggestions as to good places to meet the kind of high quality men that I seek? Unlucky Searcher Dear Unlucky, Men…

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Preventing Premature Yoga Postures

Dear Frankly, I’m a 26 year old, successful, professional female with no children. I met the man I would like to marry last weekend at my art exhibit. We are both visual artists. We talked art and there was light flirtation (my mother was there). Parting, he took my business card and asked me to email him. I did, and asked him when his next visit to my city would be, and he quickly replied with the date he would be back in town. It’s been two days and I have not heard back from him. What should I do?…

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Weenie Wonders

Dear Frankly, I’m a 32-year-old woman who has been dating a 32-year-old man for five months who, in my opinion, would receive a very high score. He’s handsome with a great personality and mutual moral convictions. He’s marriage minded and very attentive and complimentary to me. The problem is he seems very feminine in his mannerisms. He is soft-spoken and his total demeanor at times exudes softness. He says things I don’t normally hear from a man. Should I be concerned about this? Limping into Love Dear Limping, My fourth husband was a real weenie–soft spoken wimp. He never raised…

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Missing in Action

Dear Frankly, My soon-to-be-husband called and suggested getting together. We agreed to meet at his apartment. So, I went home, rushed through my evening tasks, and went to his apartment. He was not there, so I let myself in, fed the dog and settled in. Two hours later – no boyfriend. I left a voice mail on his cell phone and went home. I have not heard from him in two days and I am boiling mad. This is the second time this has happened. What should I do? Ticked Terry Dear Ticked, Before he was my fourth husband, Frank…

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Dreaming about Ex

Dear Frankly, After an 8 year long relationship, my husband and I got a divorce. I tried giving him his space, thinking he would realize I was the one for him. He is now with one of my “close friends,” and will soon be having a baby. We didn’t have any children because we felt we weren’t ready for them yet. I have since moved away in the two years we’ve been apart. I’ve done everything I could think of to get over him, but every night I still see him in my dreams. How do I move on and…

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Jailbirds and Online Jilters

Dear Frankly, I have a brother-in-law who is constantly in trouble. His antics are even starting to affect my marriage to his sister. We get along fine until we start arguing about him. She’s the one who brings him up and I don’t want to ignore her. What should I do? Puzzled Hubby Dear Puzzled, My third husband had a younger brother that couldn’t stay out of jail. His mother kept bailing him out. He’d apologize and get everyone feeling sorry for him. Then, not a month later, he’d be right back in the slammer. My husband and I argued…

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Divorce-Say Dilemmas

Dear Frankly, I’m a separated 40-plus male “divorced” for many years in every way but legally. I posted a personal ad on a website and have been contacted by –and met–a number of women. There is one woman in particular that I am very interested in and have been spending a lot of time with. I have not told her I am still married and did not share this in my profile because I believed it would scare women away. When is the right time to come clean and admit my situation? Not Quite Divorced Dear Not Quite, My fourth…

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Age Ire

Dear Frankly, I am 54 and just broke up a 10-year relationship with a younger man. He is 45. Now he has a girlfriend who is 28. We have been apart for a little more than a year. But now it bothers me that he has this girlfriend and I don’t know why. I know I have to move on and get over him. I was OK until I found out he had someone else. I can’t stop thinking about them. Do most women do this or is something wrong with me? Ticked Off Terri Dear Ticked, My fourth, and…

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Panty Man a Problem?

Dear Frankly, I have been married for two years now and it is still exciting. Both of us have had previous marriages that were disasters. The other day when doing laundry, I noticed most of the undergarments were mine and some were stretched. My husband admitted he has been wearing my underwear and says he likes the way they feel and it makes him feel closer to me. Is this something I should be concerned with? Any suggestions? Briefly Betty Dear Briefly, My fifth husband liked to wear my panties. He claimed they were softer than his and made him…

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Do I Wait for Mr. Right?

Dear Frankly, I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now. He’s a “nice” guy. He treats me well and we have some of the same interests, pursuits, etc. I just don’t feel a real strong chemistry. He’s attractive, but it’s not WOW. I’m hesitant to move very fast, even though he has clearly expressed his interest in our becoming more serious. How do I know if this is the guy? If I’m unsure, am I not just settling? What if I take it to the next level and then Mr. Right comes along? Baffled Bernice Dear Baffled, I…

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Self-absorbed Supervisor

Dear Frankly, I work with a man who is self centered and conceited. He is also a department supervisor. He is always talking about himself and never listens to anyone about anything. Since he is such a witty person, people are spellbound by his conversations when they first meet him. After a while, it begins to wear thin. He corners anyone passing by and rambles on forever, if allowed. How can we stop him without losing our jobs? Beyond Bored Barbara Dear Beyond, My fourth husband worked for man just like that. Once, at a company gathering, I befriended his…

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Boyfriend Thievery

Dear Frankly, I’ve known this guy for about 4 months and he’s my best friend. We have a lot of things in common and we just seem to click. The problem is my friend who introduced us has liked him for 4 years. He pretty much ignores her now and spends time with me. We keep sneaking around so she won’t see us together. When I told her I liked him she got upset. I want to pursue this relationship. Is there a way to tell her we’re becoming a couple without hurting her feelings? Running Rhonda Dear Running, I…

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Long Distance Longings

Dear Frankly, I have been dating a guy for a few weeks. I date quite frequently, but never seem to find anyone that I actually like, or desire a second date with. From the first date, I realized that I really like this guy. The problem is that he is in Arizona and I am in California. We have been able to talk to each other extremely well so far. I have voiced the fact that I like him a lot. He seems to be interested also. Is it just best to let it be or is there something that…

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Tinkerbell’s Dilemma

Dear Frankly, I’m dating a guy with Peter Pan Syndrome. He’s got a heart as big as a mountain and always has a kind word for everyone, no matter their faults or failings. The problem is he is in his 30’s, has never been married and acts like a boy with a new toy every time we make love. While I’m enjoying this infatuation now, I’m afraid I’ll tire of the naivete and end up hurting his feelings. Should I keep my emotions close to avoid what seems to be the inevitable? Compassionate Clara Dear Compassionate, I doubt he will…

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The Advantages of Marrying a Momma’s Boy

Dear Frankly, I love your columns! I am planning to marry the man of my dreams next June. We have been dating for over a year and are sooooo much in love. We want to have a huge outdoor wedding in Sedona. Although his parents are wonderful, I’m a little concerned about the role that they still play in his life…particularly his mother. She still does my fiancé’s laundry, cooks his lunches daily and cleans his house. What do you think? Marching to Marriage Dear Marching, My fifth husband also was a momma’s boy. I suggest you marry him, let…

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Boyfriend Blues

Dear Frankly, I’m 50, so it’s all downhill from here. Since I don’t want to die alone, I’ve settled for an alcoholic workaholic, live-in boyfriend for the past four years who won’t marry me–in fact, he doesn’t even talk to me or take me out on dates. He’s a couch potato but he’s optimistic and upbeat and has promised to be more available in the future. I’ll be working forever to pay off the debts I’m accruing taking care of us. I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions for me? Confused Connie Dear Confused, In the four years you…

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Mom to Visit

Dear Frankly, My mother wants to come visit us here at the ranch. She is a divorcee  and  in  between  husbands. She is a smoker and has always been a hard  drinking woman.  Our relationship has been rocky since I was a child. I married a minister and together we are pastors at a small, country church. We have five young children of our own and we are raising them quite a bit more sheltered than I was raised. I am leery about her visit. How do I deal with my mother’s lifestyle? Scared Sarah Dear Scared, It seems you turned out quite well,  according  to  your  standards. It’s funny, many boozing, smokers’ kids end up the…

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