The Advantages of Marrying a Momma’s Boy
Dear Frankly, I love your columns! I am planning to marry the man of my dreams next June. We have been dating for over a year and are sooooo much in love. We want to have a huge outdoor wedding in Sedona. Although his parents are wonderful, I’m a little concerned about the role that they still play in his life…particularly his mother. She still does my fiancé’s laundry, cooks his lunches daily and cleans his house. What do you think? Marching to Marriage Dear Marching, My fifth husband also was a momma’s boy. I suggest you marry him, let…
Boyfriend Blues
Dear Frankly, I’m 50, so it’s all downhill from here. Since I don’t want to die alone, I’ve settled for an alcoholic workaholic, live-in boyfriend for the past four years who won’t marry me–in fact, he doesn’t even talk to me or take me out on dates. He’s a couch potato but he’s optimistic and upbeat and has promised to be more available in the future. I’ll be working forever to pay off the debts I’m accruing taking care of us. I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions for me? Confused Connie Dear Confused, In the four years you…
Mom to Visit
Dear Frankly, My mother wants to come visit us here at the ranch. She is a divorcee and in between husbands. She is a smoker and has always been a hard drinking woman. Our relationship has been rocky since I was a child. I married a minister and together we are pastors at a small, country church. We have five young children of our own and we are raising them quite a bit more sheltered than I was raised. I am leery about her visit. How do I deal with my mother’s lifestyle? Scared Sarah Dear Scared, It seems you turned out quite well, according to your standards. It’s funny, many boozing, smokers’ kids end up the…
Can I Trust My Husband?
Dear Frankly, I’ve been married for two years to a man I dated for five years. He recently quit his job and decided to buy and sell investment property. He has asked me to hand over my inherited savings and my daughter’s education fund for his speculations so he can “make some serious money.” He’s never helped with the bills, and apparently doesn’t intend to. He drives a car I bought him and lives in my house. He doesn’t even take out the garbage! Can I trust him? Doubting Doris Dear Doubting, I can’t believe you didn’t figure out what…
Bet the Better
Dear Frankly, I am the wife of a compulsive gambler. He didn’t start out that way, but in the past four or five years he has become hooked on betting on everything from professional sports to our kid’s soccer matches. Friends are afraid to show up at sporting events in fear he will approach them. How can I stop him? It would be easier if he was losing money, but he has won enough to recently buy me new car. Worried Wife Dear Worried, I like that you waited to get a new car before writing to get him help…
Marry a Momma’s Boy?
Dear Frankly, I have been seeing a guy for 2 years. Ever since we started dating he has had another woman in his life — his mother. When she’s around, I do not exist! He uses her as his confidante and solicits her opinion about everything. I’ve expressed my discomfort with their relationship, but to no avail. There has been talk of our becoming engaged lately, but I can’t marry a man who puts his mother before me. Am I wrong to feel this way? Almost Engaged Emma Dear Engaged, My third husband was a momma’s boy. It was endearing,…
Suspicious & Discombobulated
Dear Frankly, I joined a religious match online dating service to find someone who shares my values and build a future with. If you thought it was tough meeting people in bars, try being a person who doesn’t go to bars. I found a great guy and we had been dating each other only for a couple of months when a friend told me she saw his name still on the dating site. When approached, he said it was their error. Can I trust him? Suspicious Sarah Dear Suspicious, I found three of my husbands in bars. Or should I…
Shameless Brother
Dear Frankly, My mother lives on Social Security and has very little savings left since Dad died last year. I manage her affairs, and encourage her to save for emergencies. The problem is my 38-year-old brother. He can’t keep a job and is burning through the little bit of savings she has. It has reached the point that Mom is now hiding food in her own house so she’ll have something to eat. Any advice on how to deal with my brother? Bothered Brother Dear Bothered, Are you aware of interventions? I suggest you have a family gathering, perhaps a…
Departing Dearly
Dear Frankly, I’m a widower with two grown children and am approaching my final days. After my death I would like a former high school girlfriend notified, and I have written a letter to be given to her. She has been married to the same man for 40 years, and we have not been in contact. I always had special feelings for her and would like to her to know and thank her for the great times we had together. Am I doing the right thing? Departing Dad Dear Departing, Well, as far as I can tell, you’ll be gone…
Campy Former Partner
Dear Frankly, I’ve been dating the woman I love for more than three years. Recently, she suggested we take a break. It’s been a couple of months now and I have only managed to reach her a few times by phone. She says I did nothing wrong, but she wants to figure things out. She also said she has been hanging out with an old friend. They have been camping and to concerts, but has only kissed him. Should I try to win her favor or let her go? Depressed Dave Dear Depressed, Let her go. I’ve found that when…
Party Pooping Remedy
Dear Frankly, I’m the kind of person who likes big gatherings of friends and family over the holidays. My husband of four years, who is Jewish, is an only child and never celebrated Thanksgiving and certainly had no Christmas Eve feast. He begrudgingly participates when everyone crowds the house, but disappears to the basement and the television while lively conversation takes place elsewhere. Should I just let him be or push him to join in? People Person Pam Dear People, Let him be. The holiday cheer will be over soon enough, but your husband will hopefully still be around. I…
Sink or Swim
Dear Frankly, My sister says I need to put a time limit on waiting for my boyfriend to propose to me. She says I should not let him know about the time limit. We have been together for more than 5 years. I think our relationship is very strong. We live apart, but I spend a lot of time at his apartment and he at mine. I would like to marry him, though. We have talked a little about marriage, and he says he plans for us to marry. I am not sure how I would approach this time limit….
Spend It While You’re Young
Dear Frankly, My wealthy in-laws keep giving us money to add on to our house. I appreciate their offers, but feel as an adult, both my husband and I should be able to support ourselves and our two children. My husband expects them to pay for a variety of things he wants and depends on them to bail him out. I would rather not accept their money (knowing that if we truly had a crisis, they could be a possible resource). My husband and I usually butt heads over this. Should I graciously accept their offer and let it go?…
Sisterly Encouragement
Dear Frankly, My younger sister needs to lose weight and quit smoking. She is in her forties with one son nearly college age. Far be it from me to interfere, but I have genuine concerns for her health and well-being. What should I do to encourage her without upsetting her and causing her to add depression to her list? Stubborn Sister Dear Stubborn, Well, a first read of your letter gives a tone of concern. But then I started to see that your sister may have issues because she has always had to deal with her perfect little Miss Priss…
Online Role-Playing
Dear Frankly, My dad has found an online role-playing game with live people and everything, but now he is talking to them more than his own family. He doesn’t even eat dinner with us so he can play this stupid game. He doesn’t understand that as much fun as he is having with his game, he is hurting us. It is also getting in the way of my parents’ marriage. They have been married for 20 years; I don’t want it to end because of my dad’s childishness. How do I tell him to stop? Should I just delete the…
Speaking in Code
Dear Frankly, My name is Larry and my girlfriend has just decided to “take a break” with me. I said, “OK,” but now she’s trying to stay away from me. She has asked me to stop calling her and she has also told me that we can’t see each other as much anymore because she needs some “personal space.” She won’t even give me a chance to try to work things out. What am I supposed to do? Please help me. How can I win her back? Lovelorn Larry Dear Lovelorn, I can’t see why you would want to get…
Communication Gap
Dear Frankly, There is a communication gap between my husband and me. We have been married for 22 years. During the last 5 years, things seem to have been breaking down more and more between us. We don’t have a decent conversation for more than 2 minutes. My eldest daughter asked us some time back why we don’t just get divorced as there is no communication between us anymore. How do I rectify this? Wordless Wendy Dear Wordless, I fail to see the problem, dear. My fifth husband and I barely said “boo” after we said “I do.” Of course,…
Ban the Bar Stool
Dear Frankly, I am single, don’t want to be. I lack the two major cornerstones to change: the confidence to approach women, and the opportunities to meet them. I’m 25, reasonably good looking, intelligent and not entirely lacking in charm. In all other aspects of life I don’t lack confidence, but when it comes to women, I become a weak kneed wuss. I can’t even get off my stool at the bar to approach them. Can you suggest anything to help me? Weak Kneed Wuss Dear Weak, I met my third husband at a bar. It was love at fourth…
Proceeding Perplexment
Dear Frankly, I have been married to the same man for more than twenty years. The emotional attachment is pretty much gone now and we have developed our own circle of friends and interests. We see each other at dinner time a couple of days a week and go together to social functions that involve our work places. Neither of us has had the nerve to broach the subject of divorce, but I fear both of us feel it is inevitable. Should I initiate the proceedings or wait it out? Soon-to-be Single Dear Soon-to-be, The tone and temperature of your…
BBQ Brouhaha
Dear Frankly, My future mother-in-law has been good–non-interfering nor manipulative. Until now. She is in charge of the rehearsal dinner and instead of having it catered, she decided to host a barbeque. I was disappointed, but agreed. My fiancee and I gave her the list of guests. Now she says that she has six friends in town who she is including at the dinner. I told her to forget about the dinner, I would host it myself in a restaurant. Now she says that she won’t be there. Who’s right? Soon-to-be Married Dear Soon-to-be, A barbecue sounds yummy. Looking at…
Catch His Name Before Falling
Dear Frankly, Every time a young man I am attracted to says or does something nice to me, I fall head over heels in love with him. I have no idea why, and this happens all the time. I even fall in love with men I meet for the first time–and I think that they love me. When I see them again they either completely ignore me or flirt with another girl. I set my self up to be hurt. I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up about a guy, but I always do. What do you think I…
Long-Distance Let Down
Dear Frankly, I’m impressed with the quality of your advice and I hope you can help me, too. My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years. Last week she told me that she needs some space. She said she wants to see other people, cut down on our phone conversations and not travel to see each other as much. She wants us to continue our friendship. I don’t want to lose her, but this new situation is soooo painful. What should I do? Lost in Space Dear Lost In, Long distance relationships are difficult…
Fraidy Sadie
Dear Frankly, I am a first time writer. My boyfriend of five years seems afraid to make the plunge and ask me to marry him. I am wondering if I shouldn’t take the reins and pop the question. By forcing the issue, he would have to commit or admit he has no long term plan with me in the picture. Why is it men always have to propose? Why can’t women ask men to marry them? Ready to Wed Dear Ready To, I asked my fourth husband to marry me after a few months of hot and heavy dating. He…
Junior Partner
Dear Frankly, I have always looked for older men, but now I find myself in love with a man a few years my junior. I have not been this happy since my kids were born. He is very tender and loving, and his family has accepted me with open arms. I wonder, though, if he will get bored and look for a younger woman in a few years. What happens when I get flabby and sagging? Am I the only older woman who thinks this? Happy Hannah Dear Happy, Good for you, honey. It’s about time we girls get ourselves…
Covertly Sowing His Oats?
Dear Frankly, I am a bit confused about my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for more than five years. Things are going well and we have plans for marriage in the future. My confusion comes from my wanting us to live together. I don’t see the big deal, since we plan on spending the rest of our lives together. He says the time isn’t right. Is he balking because he still wants his freedom to roam and sew some more wild oats or am I being overly suspicious? What should I do? Made for Marriage Dear Made…
38 and Never Been Kissed!
Dear Frankly, I’m a 38 year old guy who, for whatever reason, has never kissed a woman. I know it is hard to believe, even laughable, but I’ve just never had the best of luck with the ladies. I’m not socially awkward–I can carry on a conversation and I’m fairly attractive, but I have never had that “first kiss” moment. I’ve avoided talking about my problem with friends, for fear of being looked down upon. What can I do to get in the game? Past My Prime Dear Past My, Good gracious. A woman almost always waits for her date…
Define “Good Catch,” Please
Dear Frankly, I’m a thirty something, professional, financially successful male who has never had a long term, committed relationship. I usually ask out a girl I find attractive, go out a few times and then find something wrong with her and make myself unavailable when she calls. I think about how nice it would be to meet a great girl and settle down, but I never seem to meet girls that live up to my expectations. I think I’m a good catch. Can you help me find the girl of my dreams? Ready and Willing Dear Ready, First of all,…
Wedding Behavior Pickle
Dear Frankly, I recently attended my boyfriend’s sister’s wedding. I had met his family only once before. I had too much to drink at the reception and I know his parents noticed my behavior. My boyfriend said I was really pickled and had to take me home early. Should I mention this obvious mistake and apologize for it in a thank you note to his parents? On the other hand, will that remind them of my behavior? Flustered Franny Dear Flustered, That’s funny. Usually, it’s the best man that gets blotto and makes an ass of himself. Do you think…
Hand Me Down Boyfriends
Dear Frankly, I have a situation. My sister and I are the best of friends. We share almost everything, clothes, music, jewelry, you name it. But recently, she broke up with her boyfriend of more than four years. How long do I have to wait before asking him out? I don’t want to upset her, but he and I have great chemistry. Is two weeks long enough? She didn’t cry much and seems to be over him. How about one whole month – that’s over four weeks. Is that long enough? Help me figure this one out! Hot 4 My…
AA for Dummies
Dear Frankly, I’m 43 years old and in my 10th year of recovery in a 12-step fellowship. I separated from my wife of 11 years recently. I have reconnected with a woman I met in the same group many years ago. We were friends and fooled around a bit, but it didn’t stick. She has a steady job and is buying a house. She left the program some years back and drinks socially. I’m afraid if I get too close I could fall off the wagon. What should I do? Confused Karl Dear Confused, Let’s review…While you were in AA…
