February 25, 2024

The Joys of Having Boys

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas…

Things I’ve Learned from My Boys (honest, not  kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 lb boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

6. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh,” it’s already too late.

7. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke–lots of it.

8. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in
the movies.

9. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

10. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

11. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water. Pool filters do not like

12. VCRs do not eject “PB & J” sandwiches even though commercials show they do.

13. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

14. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

15. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

16. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. The fire department in Austin, TX
has a 5-minute response time.

17. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. The spin cycle on the washing machine will,
however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

18. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

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