January 25, 2020

Daddy’s Diary

I found my daddy’s diary tucked Beneath his attic mess, And, lettered on the cover was, “The Secrets of Success.” I feared it would be bulging with Some windy, long laments; But when I opened it I found Three simple stanzas, hence: “To know someone, don’t listen As their lofty talk ascends, Instead, just look at what they’ve done, And who they choose as friends. And learn what you do badly, and Stop doing it, pall mall, So you can concentrate and grow In that which you do well. And, most important in your life In love, or work, or…

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The Sun Mystery

In June the sun was coming up Before the crack of dawn, But, now, the thing is hold out, Not only that, but gone To bed at night much earlier— Three minutes, by the day!— And while I know this can’t be true (It’s summer; I’m at play) The trend seems clearly ominous (I’ve calculated stuff), By Christmas, it won’t shine at all And there won’t be enough Daylight and its resulting heat To keep my footsies warm And I might think of growing fur And there might be a storm And it might even snow and I Might have…

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Sell By

by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland I never thought my barber would Destroy more than my hair. But, yesterday, he shaved my neck And drove me to despair! “What’s this?” he said. “Why, you’ve expired!” I said, “What do you mean?” He touched my neck, “It’s right back here– That place you’ve never seen. “We all have sell-by dates,” he said, “Tattooed behind our ears. We never, ever see them but For glimpses caught in mirrors. “And, then, of course, they’re backwards and Impossible to read, And, so, the implications are Impossible to heed.” It truly is ironic that I’d be the…

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Playing for Keeps

Keep those wheels of commerce turning; Keep those suckers greased. Keep those time share condos churning; Keep those suckers leased. Keep your looks your highest passion; Keep on buying shoes. Keep your children high on fashion; Keep ignoring clues. Keep five-dollar coffee pumping; Keep refining taste. Keep those plastic bottles dumping; Keep refueling waste. Keep those Hummers gassed and guzzled; Keep those engines hot. Keep your horse sense tightly muzzled; Keep the past un-taught. Keep The Truth from dimly blinking; Keep all wisdom gone. Keep America from thinking. Keep on keeping on. Related posts: 4-D Printers Disapproval New Year’s Vow…

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Up with Dogs

She’s given up on husbands, and She’s taken up with dogs. “Dogs shed,” she said, “and host some fleas, And, sometimes, eat my clogs, “But, all of life’s a trade-off, and In weighing tit for tat, It’s clear to me that husbands lose! That dogs are where its at! “Dogs never stop me asking for Directions when I’m lost, Or, when I have a headache, pout, Like they’ve been double-crossed; “Dogs never raise their eyebrows when My Visa bills come in, Or, go into a tizzy, like It’s some kind of a sin When Brian, my old boyfriend, calls Who’s…

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Fun Raiser

by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland I’ve noticed, public radio’s Stopped begging for my car, Regardless of it runs or not Or if it’s plagued with tar! Apparently, they’ve changed their minds: They want my wife, instead! And, if I hesitate or balk, Then NPR is dead! Their pitch is quite familiar as The radio explained: They’ll tow her off regardless of The hundred pounds she’s gained, While celebrating loudly that At last, she will be free, Will earn a super tax break and, To boot, be rid of me! I have but one condition to Impose to grease the skids: They…

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The Fountain of Truth

I hear I’ve no requirement to Be growing old and worn, No scientific reason to Be wrinkled and forlorn. No deconstructing chemistry That can’t be turned around To make my failing body right And tight and bright and sound. No breakdown of my systems that Smart doctors can’t reverse Returning my deposit on That black and shiny hearse. No single, solitary thought That any mind can think That justifies my plunging from The geriatric brink! Except for this endorsement in Mortality’s behest: I’m sick and tired of all this crap; I need a good, long rest! Related posts: Horoscopes for…

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Snake Oil Love

The woman parked her car and climbed My steps and kicked my door! I opened up to face a girl That scared me to the core! “You’re nothing but a charlatan!” She screamed into my face, “A snake oil selling swindler, A vacuous disgrace!” She waved my column in the air; Her eyes were blazing red! “Oh dear,” I cried. “I’m falling fast! Just tell me, are you wed? “I’m looking for a woman and I think you’ll fit the bill. I’m hopelessly attracted to Your clear, abusive will! “My other marriages, for love, Were less than second rate. I’m…

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Up with Cats

I’ve given up on women, and I’ve taken up with cats! Cats never preach the sins of salt Or saturated fats! I told my woman, yesterday, That cats would be my life. She smiled, and said, I think that cats Will make a splendid wife! I’ve thought for years that cats and you Would get along quite well– You both are low, and sneaky, and Exude a fishy smell. You prowl around in dark of night, And no one knows just where, And when the morning light appears You slink back to your lair, And yawn, and scratch, and lick…

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Scope This

I’ve found a brand new restaurant that’s A perfect place to dine. It opens up at 6 a.m. And doesn’t close till nine. It’s thrifty, bright and squeaky-clean; It’s customers are smart; It’s food is fresh, eclectic, and It’s walls are hung with art. There’s salad bars and deli bars, And pasta bars, and sauce; There’s taco bars and chocolate bars, And, at the end, there’s floss. You choose and weigh and pay by ounce, So, careful what you take. And if you wear a stethoscope, You get a special break. You’re right! It’s true! I’m eating at The hospital…

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Android Orphans

by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland I watched a little girl, this week, Sit, staring at her dad– A precious time together that Seemed nothing less than sad. They sat across a table at A trendy coffee place– Her father, with his slick, new phone Held up, before his face. The little girl was waiting with Wide, patient eyes that smiled In hopeful expectation that Her daddy missed, beguiled By digital distractions on That bright, seductive screen, While daddy’s girl sat, pleading with Adoring eyes, unseen By yet another parent who Believes their love is clear, While android-orphan children wait A day,…

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