April 16, 2024

Long Live Snail Mail

If you receive an email on your computer entitled “Bedtimes” then delete it immediately. Do not open it.

Apparently, this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.

It re-programs your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you attempt to play.

It will program your phone auto dial to call only 900 numbers.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

It will cause your toilet to flush while you are showering.

It will drink all your beer.

It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.

If the “Bedtimes” message is opened in a Windows environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

Warn as many people as you can!

And if you don’t run immediately to your computer and send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you’ll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.

Send this warning to everyone! There’s a lot of sadness in the world!

Right now, as you read this, 17 million people are having sex!

And look at you–you’re reading this!

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