September 20, 2017

Don’t Break the Chain

THANKS A BUNCH to my friends, for sending me spam emails over the years:

  • I stopped drinking Coca Cola: after I found out that it’s good for removing toilet stains.
  • I stopped going to the movies: for fear of sitting on an infected needle.
  • I smell like a dog: since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.
  • I also stopped answering the phone: for fear that they ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.
  • I stopped consuming several foods: for fear that the estrogens they contain may turn me gay.
  • I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers: because they are nothing other than horrible mutant freaks, with no eyes or feathers, bred in a lab so places like McDonald’s can sell Big Macs.
  • I also stopped drinking anything out of a can: for fear I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
  • I think I’m turning gay because when I go to parties, I don’t look at any gal, no matter how hot she is: for fear that she will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
  • I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account: a sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. That girl has been 7 years old since 1993…
  • I went bankrupt from bounced checks: that I wrote in the expectation of the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program.
  • My Ericcson phone never arrived: neither did the passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

I am positive that all this is because of that one stinking chain letter that I broke or forgot to follow and I got the curse.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you don’t send this to at least 1200 people in 10 seconds, a really big bird will crap on you today at 7 p.m.

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