April 17, 2024

Horoscopes for April 7-13, 2013

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

You will have unwanted guests this month that just refuse to go away. Only as an absolute last resort should you secretly rub them down with Preparation H.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

This would be a good month to pursue your musical dreams. After guitar, drums, keyboards and sax, you’ll find your hidden talent for mastering the concertina.

GEMINI (May 21 -June 20)

Out with the old and in with the new. That will be your mantra this month as all of your old friends leave you in the lurch for trying to suck them into Amway.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Your breath may keep people from getting close to you. The again, it could just be the weird hairdo, funky clothes, safety pin facial piercing and lack of teeth.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

April is a good month for Leos to stay in the shadows. Everyone is going to want a piece of you and there just isn’t enough to go around. Camouflaged pajamas help.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

You will develop a deep and serious love for mushrooms or bats. Either way, you will find yourself looking for a dark, damp, cave-like abode to move into.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

April Fools Day will come and go without an incident, which will make you look over your shoulder the rest of the month wondering when the fool will attack.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

You will give serious thought to making a lifestyle change this month. You will be encouraged to pursue a new career when your boss hands you your pink slip.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Your pension for helping others comes to the fore this month when you decide to write the self-help book, “Macrame Your Way To Fun, Fame And Fortune.”

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

You’ll discover that when you read a collection of Sanscrit writings backwards, it takes on a different meaning. Something about dying with your espadrilles on.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Last month found you armed with a lot of answers. The month before you were plagued with a bunch of questions. This month you try to correctly match them.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

This is one of those special months for Pisces. Absolutely nothing worth noting will happen to you this month. You just may as well not even show up.

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