February 27, 2024

The Acting Jerk

“Just be yourself,” my woman cried,
“Stop acting like a jerk!”
She threw her dishes in the sink,
And strutted off to work.

I put a load of laundry in,
And swept the kitchen floor;
I gathered up my thoughts, and then
Addressed them to the door:

“My dear, it seems to me you’ve missed
The essence of the plot:
There is no question whether I’m
An acting jerk, or not;

“My jerkness is as close to me
As skin is to a grape,
As stripes to watermelon, or
As Scotch is to its tape;

“I’m ugly, short, and stupid, and
In no way Captain Kirk!
It takes no acting—none at all!—
For me to be a jerk!”

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