February 28, 2024

Horoscopes for April 13-19, 2014

CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16)

Get out there and workout in April. Otherwise, your joints, brain, lungs and heart will start complaining. Remember to shower or everyone around will complain.

AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11)

Contort yourself into whatever pretzels you comfortably can manage, and you’ll emerge suppler and more successful. You’ll also go great with brown mustard.

PISCES (March 20 – April 18)

Your innate sensitivity to what’s happening around you plays a huge role in how you navigate tricky situations. Running, ducking, hiding, lying – all innate.

ARIES (April 18 – May 13)

You’ll be in the mood to chit-chat, to have long talks, to check in, to discuss, to cover all the angles. Sadly, there isn’t a sole interested in what you have to say.

TAURUS (May 13 – June21)

Traveling should be easy for you this month, and you ought to find that things go well as long as you are in motion. Don’t forget, they’re always right behind you.

GEMINI (June 21 – July 20)

There’s nothing quite like socializing to put you in the best of moods. Of course, those Monday morning hangovers are going to deserve some special attention.

CANCER (July 20 – August 10)

You need to stop giving so much in April. You need your time, you need your money, you need your pampering. Unfortunately, the IRS may feel differently.

LEO (August 10 – September 16)

This month, do your best to stay open to the universe. Unless, of course, you are wandering around the cosmos and find the sign, “Universe Closed, Use Rainbow.”

VIRGO (September 16 – October 30)

You realize that, in the grand scheme of things, nothing is all that important. Like the saying goes, “Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”

LIBRA (October 30 – November 23)

If you’re single, you and a very special somebody will most likely fall in love this month. If you’re married, you will just have to use your imagination – again.

SCORPIO (November 23 – 29)

Check in with yourself, every once in a while, to make sure life’s not the same as it ever was. Listen to the Talking Heads, not television mouthpieces, David Byrne.

OPHIUCHUS (November 29 – December 17)

You will join a choir or an improv group or a painting class or learn to sail. If you decide to do the sailing thing, make sure there’s a boat and plenty of water.

SAGITTARIUS (December 17 – January 20)

You might be so super-smart, over-the-top brilliant that others around you have a hard time keeping up with you. Elementary school teachers are sooooo cool.

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