October 14, 2019

More Thoughts To Ponder–Or Not!

  • I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
  • Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull
    on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Never take life seriously. Nobody
    gets out alive anyway.
  • There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  • Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one
    tumble down the stairs.
  • Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
  • Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
  • Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
  • All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  • In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
  • Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  • Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
  • Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
  • Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
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