July 20, 2019

Quotes from Sports Guys

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “It’s about 90% strength and 40% technique.” — Johnny Walker “If I wasn’t talking, I wouldn’t know what to say.” — Chico Resch “We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other.” — Barry Beck “The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.” — Dizzy Dean “He fakes a bluff.” — Ron Fairly “It could permanently…

Virtue vs. Decadence

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart; for his purity, by definition, is unassailable.” — James Baldwin “Every man knows his follies and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.” — Josh Billings “The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy…

Love

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” — David Bissonette “Love is foolish…but I still might try it sometime.” — Floyd, Age 9 “You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henny Youngman “Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love…

Getting Older

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “In the old days, it was not called ‘the Holiday Season’; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukka’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukka!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’”…

Marriage

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.” — Ambrose Bierce “Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.” — Al Bundy “I hate work. That’s why I got married.” — Peg Bundy “If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover…

Politics and the Status Quo

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “There is no Energy Shortage. There is no Energy Crisis. There is a Crisis of Ignorance.” — R Buckminster Fuller “To be a great politician you need the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen.” — Winston Churchill…

Success

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.” — Earl Wilson “If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.” — Dan Quayle “Success is the child of audacity.” — Benjamin Disraeli “Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value.” — Albert Einstein “The Lord gave…

Government Solutions

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.” — Otto von Bismark “When George Washington threw the dollar across the Rappahannock River, he didn’t realize he was establishing a precedent for government spending.” — Harold Coffin “The government solution to a problem is usually as bad as the problem.” — Milton Friedman “Now more…

Government

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.” — P.J. O’Rourke “The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back.” — Will Rogers “Folk who don’t know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.”…

Cynicism

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.” — David T. Wolf “A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.” — H. L. Mencken “My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists.” — Jean Rostand “No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to…

Computers

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.” — Rich Cook “Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.” — Rita Mae Brown “All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You’d be…

Love and Marriage

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” — Erich Segal “Love is a grave mental disease.” — Plato “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Grouch Marx “If we take matrimony at it’s lowest, we regard it as a sort of friendship recognised…

Modern Politics

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “I will not withdraw, even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me.” — President George W. Bush “Good thing we’ve still got politics — finest form of free entertainment ever invented.” — Molly Irvins “My FOX guys, I love every single one of them.” — Condoleezza Rice “What we really expect out of the Democrats is…

More on Money

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Gentlemen prefer bonds.” — Andrew Mellon “If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” — J. Paul Getty “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need if I die by four o’clock this afternoon.” — Henny Youngman “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack…

American Politics

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Any American who is prepared to run for President should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.” — Gore Vidal “I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” — Will Rogers “Americans have different ways of saying things. They say ‘elevator’, we say ‘lift’ … they say ‘President’, we say ‘stupid psychopathic…

Money, Money, Money

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” — John Barrymore “In its famous paradox, the equation of money and excrement, psychoanalysis becomes the first science to state what common sense and the poets have long known — that the essence of money is in its absolute worthlessness.” — Norman O. Brown “The entire…

Baseball

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Hating the New York Yankees is as American as apple pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.” — Mike Royko “Baseball statistics are like a girl in a bikini. They show a lot, but not everything.” — Toby Harrah “Well, boys, it’s a round ball and a round bat and you got to hit the ball square.”…

Failure

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” — Dan Quayle “It is possible to fail in many ways…while to succeed is possible only in one way.” — Aristotle “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” — Bill Cosby “If at first you don’t succeed, find out…

On Marriage

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing.” — Duane Dewel “In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.” — Helen Rowland “Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” — Jackie Mason “Marriage is like putting your hand into a…

The Universe

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man does not have to experience it.” — Max Frisch “The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.” — Kilgore Trout “I’m astounded by people who want to know the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.” — Woody Allen “In the beginning,…

Laughter

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.” — Carl Sagan “Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than…

Intelligence and Intellect

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn’t.” — Emerson M. Pugh “Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as think.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson “We’ve all met people who are supposedly incredibly intelligent but don’t know which way…

On Wisdom

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj?un), n. [origin unknown]  1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man.  2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him all weekend.” — Zenna Schaffer “How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.” — Steve Martin “Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.” — Steven Wright…

Dogs

“The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.” — Anonymous “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” — Ann Landers “If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” — Will Rogers “There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” — Ben Williams “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” — Josh Billings “The average dog is a nicer person than the…

On Money

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” — Peter Ustinov “More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits.” — John Nelson “We didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.” —…

Obesity

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Today’s beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paper clip.” — Dave Barry “To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.” — Adelle Davis “The hardest exercise…

Father Knows Best?

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: FATHERING “There is too much fathering going on just now and there is no doubt about it, fathers are depressing.” –Gertrude Stein “The fundamental defect of fathers, in our competitive society, is that they want their children to be a credit to them.” –Bertrand Russell “Rich men’s sons are seldom rich men’s fathers.” –Herbert…

Father’s Day

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, “My dad can beat up your dad.” I’d say, “Yeah? When?” — Bill Hicks “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” — Bill Cosby “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand…

Murphy’s Other Laws

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. 2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. 4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? 6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. 8. Seen it all, done it all. Can’t remember most of it. 9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t. 10. I feel like I’m diagonally…

The Media

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Unfortunately, the media have trouble distinguishing between real science and propaganda cross-dressed as science.” — Linda Bowles “Journalism consists largely in saying ‘Lord Jones died’ to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive.” — G. K. Chesterton “I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.” — Gandhi “Whoever controls the media–the images–controls the culture.” —…