April 17, 2024

Sasquatch Sightings Really Bears?

Q: All reported sightings in the states of Washington, Oregon and California of Sasquatch were gathered and used with environmental data to predict the distribution of the mythical Bigfoot. They found it yielded a perfectly plausible prediction about Bigfoot habitats. The researchers also compared the niche model for Sasquatch to one they developed for black bears. They found that the two were statistically indistinguishable. Does that mean reported Sasquatch sightings have really been of bears?

A: It’s possible. But, it still doesn’t answer the question, “If a bear . . .”


Q: A tourist attraction is advertising in the Job Centre for a witch to live in one of its caves. Wookey Hole Cave, near Wells, England, is looking for a new witch to teach visitors about witchcraft and magic after its previous employee retired. The unique job offer comes with a salary of £50,000 pro rata based on work during school holidays and at weekends. Do you think the witches that may apply for the job come with a resume?

A: I’m not sure. The cave is noted for the Witch of Wookey Hole–a human shaped stalagmite, reputedly turned to stone by a monk. I’m more curious if the retirement of the previous witch was caused by voodoo.


Q: A policeman has been stood down after being charged with trying to perform an exorcism on a teenager at a church youth camp in South Australia. Senior Constable Roger Sketchley, has been charged with two other adults. Sketchley and the other adults allegedly restrained a boy, 15, after he complained of stomach pains in an incident that allegedly went for about 12 hours. Sketchley was charged with false imprisonment and aggravated assault. Do policemen in Arizona perform exorcisms?

A: To my knowledge, no. But when Maricopa County Sheriff, Sheriff Joe Arpaio rants, he scares the bejesus out of everyone in earshot.


Q: I received emails from someone calling herself Tina who claims to have spent time working within DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency), relaying messages regarding possible first contact with an alien race in the year 2013. This alien race is believed to be planning an open daylight landing on Earth. My research has led me to believe that contact with aliens is not a two-way affair. While I am certain that ‘Tina’ is genuine, I suspect her information might be incomplete. What do you think?

A: If they want to throw a party, why, on Earth would they hold it here?


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