March 6, 2021

Hold Up!

CRIME NEWS: A robber who used a rusty pitchfork to stick up a South Carolina bank got away– and so far, finding him has been like looking for a needle in a haystack. The man, wearing sunglasses and a mask, entered Security Federal Bank and threatened employees with the 4-foot-long rusty pitchfork. The man took an undisclosed amount of money. The robber dropped the farm tool as the man got into a white van driven by a woman. No customers were in the bank during the holdup, and no one was injured. Locals are calling the event the American Gothic…

Side Effects

PRESCRIPTION NEWS: People suffering from chronic headaches, nausea, diarrhea, gas or dizziness may finally find relief in a medical cure-all. The only drawbacks of the new pill, available only by prescription, are the side effects: headaches, nausea, diarrhea, gas or dizziness. LAW ENFORCEMENT NEWS: A thirty-year-old Arizona lottery winner has been convicted of a felony and sentenced to 10 years in state prison or 1 day a week for 70 years. ENTREPRENEURIAL NEWS: Due to the fact that their machines only accept quarters, coin-operated laundries, car washes and amusement devices in Utah were forced to raise prices from $1.25 to…

Double DUI

DOUBLE DUI NEWS: Rhode Island State Police said a husband and wife both face charges of driving under the influence after they were stopped separately on the same night. A woman was stopped and detained for wreckless driving and then held after proving to be under the influence of alcohol. Her husband was arrested later for the same charge while driving to get her. POLYGAMY, ORIENTAL STYLE NEWS: Chinese authorities have arrested a legislator found to have four wives. A district official in the northern province of Shanxi said Li Junwen also had 10 children, and had been detained on…