February 27, 2024

Crop Circles and Little People

Q: I understand that a small farm recently had crop circles discovered in the corn field. Investigators do not believe, based on their field work, that the Lawton formation was mechanically made by people. While more people went to investigate the phenomenon, it was destroyed by a young female neighbor who drove through the field with her truck and did donuts. She told one neighbor she thought one of the aliens got her pregnant. Could this be true?

A: Sure. Women impregnated by aliens commonly crave strange foods and demonstrate rare forms of morning sickness. Often, donuts are involved.

Q: Singer Michael Jackson was reported to have bid on a genuine Irish ghost “trapped in a bottle.” The bottle, owned by retired mill worker John McMenamin, was for sale on eBay. Mr McMenamin discovered it partially cemented into a bricked-up window 25 years ago. It is at least 100 years old and was said to be placed there by a priest following a failed exorcism. Is this the first ghost in a bottle for sale?

A: Nope, but every available Irish ghost I am aware of that was trapped in a bottle had been captured in a whiskey bottle or was that just fine spirits?

Q: An unidentified flying object (UFO) or a divine sign were just two of the explanations residents of South Trinidad were speculating on after a mysterious red beam of light appeared in the sky one starry night. What do you think the red light could have been?

A: Extraterrestrial hookers.

Q: One night some friends and I went to the Little People’s Village. We parked our car and walked down a long dirt road. We finally came across a bunch of small cement houses. They say a man built them for his crazy wife who would see little people in her home. In the village is the Little People’s throne. Legend has it that if you sit in the chair you will die in seven days. We warned our friend not to tempt fate, but there was no stopping him. Seven days later I got a call. He knocked up some girl and was going to get married. Could this village be haunted?

A: Seems to me your friend is living proof.


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